WASHINGTON—As the Supreme Court hears oral arguments today on President Obama's health care reform law, plaintiffs aiming to strike down the legislation are ...

Movie fans demand to see new Heath Ledger performance in 'Dark Knight Rises,' a truly authentic Mexican restaurant is shut down immediately, and another dead ...

First Responders attempt to bluff their way through a discussion of the most recent Republican debate.

CONCORD, NH—With the majority of precincts reporting, sources are now confirming that one of those fucking guys—one of the ones who wore a ...

The First Responders debate whether the media is harder on Michele Bachmann because she is a woman who is crazy.

The office of the Surgeon General holds a live press conference to explain that no one has ever gotten cancer from just bumming a couple ...

CLAREMONT, CA—From the moment she first laid eyes on his clumsy, haphazardly sprayed graffiti tag, Pomona College sophomore Jessica Tisselo has been completely enamored ...

TULSA, OK—According to an on-air announcement, KWPA disc jockey Johnny the Radio Bomb is inviting the entire populace of Greater Tulsa to some bullshit ...

The U.S. offers franchising opportunities to increase revenue, Jessica Milly puts out, and Dad's new 20-year-old Thai boyfriend really sucks at Scattergories.

CINCINNATI—Saying they could save a few bucks, a fertility counselor asked Anita and Joe Jansen Monday if they wished to consider far more affordable ...

 Jim and Tracy welcome Celebrity Chef Ted Allen on Today Now! to show them how to make the most obnoxious, contrived meals for your dickhead ...

ROCKVILLE, MD—Shit, Dave Pratt's new girlfriend snores.

COLUMBUS, OH—Heather Owen just said "fuck it" and bought her mums at Home Depot this year.

CUPERTINO, CA—Steve Jobs, the visionary co-founder of Apple Computers and the only American in the country who had any clue what the fuck he ...

WICHITA, KS—Desperately hoping to raise its profile and boost attendance, the Wichita Zoo, long considered one of the crappiest zoos in the United States ...

GLOUCESTER, MA—As he neared completion this week on his latest novel, By The Water's Edge, author Edward Milligan marveled aloud to reporters how ...