Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?'
TRIPOLI—An uneasy voice inside the head of cheering Libyan rebel Ahmed Jibril reportedly said, "Oh, fuck, now what?" Wednesday as the jubilant fighter celebrated ...
Unsponsored
Man Who Got 6-Figure Book Deal From His Tumblr Account Has The Fucking Nerve To Appear On National Television
NEW YORK—Infuriating tens of thousands nationwide, 26-year-old microblogger Travis Yates reportedly had the goddamn nerve to appear on Good Morning America Friday just days ...
Nation Wants Some Fucking Football, Doesn’t Give Shit About Details Of Collective Bargaining Agreement
WASHINGTON—Following the announcement Monday that NFL owners and players had reached a deal to end their 132-day labor dispute, Americans across the nation expressed ...
Report: You Know You Are A Fucking Idiot, Right?
AMHERST, MA—According to a study published Friday by experts who can tell just by looking at you, you have got to be aware that ...
Fuck That, Mutters Man Exhaling Smoke Through Nose
Fuck That, Mutters Man Exhaling Smoke Through Nose
Man Just Going To Grab Guitar And Old Four-Track, Go Out To Cabin In Woods, Make Shittiest Album Anyone's Ever Heard
CHICAGO—Following a protracted period of creative stagnation, struggling 27-year-old musician Tom Ruskin announced Friday his plans to retreat to a remote cabin in the ...
History Channel Treating Invention Of Popcorn Like It's Fucking Penicillin
NEW YORK—An in-depth, hour-long History Channel special about the cultivation and manufacture of popcorn reverentially details the origin of the snack food as though ...
FDA To Increase Recommended Dosage Of Acetaminophen For Children Who Can Handle Their Shit
WASHINGTON—The Food and Drug Administration announced Friday that it has approved an increase in the recommended dosage of acetaminophen for children who can hack ...
Lance Armstrong: I Never Failed One Of Those Shitty, Easy-To-Fool Doping Tests
AUSTIN, TX—Embattled seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong held a press conference this morning to sternly reiterate that during his career he passed ...
High School Fuckup Now In Charge Of Checking Airport Luggage For Explosives
BIRMINGHAM, AL—Former D-plus student and complete fuckup Malcolm Tibbets, 28, was recently entrusted by the Transportation Security Administration with the task of searching all ...
Area Man Has Some Pretty Shitty Mob Ties
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Despite local contractor Danny Polazza's frequent claims that "he knows a few guys," friends confirmed Monday that the 42-year-old's ties ...
UFC Fighter Has Idea For T-Shirt With A Bunch Of Shit Written All Over It
LAS VEGAS—Mixed martial artist Phillipe Nover announced design plans Thursday for a new T-shirt that he claimed would be completely covered in hundreds of ...
Obama Finally Tells Rambling Tom Vilsack To Shut The Fuck Up During Cabinet Meeting
WASHINGTON—According to White House sources, Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack spent nearly 20 minutes of a cabinet meeting Tuesday rambling on about recent fluctuations in ...
'It's A Privilege To Have Worked With Such Talented People,' Says Coworker Getting The Fuck Out Of There
EUGENE, OR—During his final day of work at R&C Media on Friday, consultant Carlton Davies told coworkers it was "an honor" to have ...
