When tragedy struck Kansas City today, Onion reporters were first on the scene. This is a video recap of our coverage of the Gunman story ...

The President was forced to exercise his clemency powers to free Joe Biden last week after the Vice President called the White House at 3 ...

An online listing for a job at area marketing firm BizKo Solutions has left local man Ryan Urlich unsure whether he is truly dynamic enough ...

In his first televised interview since the election, Mitt Romney said his bid for the White House was doomed by his ability to effectively and ...

Experts are blaming Girls Gone Wild’s recent bankruptcy on the company’s business model of employing their hot, horny coeds full time.

A report finds Chinese third-graders are falling behind U.S. high school students in math and science, a nostalgic warden has seen 3 generations of ...

Video-streaming service Netflix reportedly checked in on local customer Shane Fowler late Tuesday after a marathon viewing session in which the 31-year-old watched the entire ...

The Divine Creator of All Things addressed a throng of dedicated fans on his troubled working relationship with the former Pope.

Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is being proactive in the face of his department's potential budget cuts by scouring the country for road signs, traffic ...

Casting a sentimental eye over his long career at the California Institution for Men, prison warden Kenneth Luger, 65, told reporters Thursday he will always ...

Meteorologists say the blizzard pummeling the Midwest is expected to devastate Illinois resident Kevin Hodges given everything he's been going through lately. 

The red carpet has never been hotter! Our fashion experts pick out their favorite looks, including Ben Affleck wrapped in a stylish George Clooney.

Stars and fans pay their respects as the corpses of celebrities we lost in 2012 are carried into the Dolby Theater for the Oscars.

An area man panics after accidentally 'liking' 381 of his ex-girlfriend's Facebook photos, Bob Dylan lays off 2,000 workers from a songwriting factory ...

Seeking to revitalize his musical operations following years of declining revenue and mounting production costs, musician Bob Dylan laid off 2,000 workers from his ...

New photos show that the aging heartthrob has transitioned gracefully into a handsome mass of fabric and ornate bangles.

As he browsed the social networking site Facebook last night, local man Aaron Neutzling, 24, reportedly panicked after realizing that in the course of the ...

To shore up support among female voters, the GOP has introduced a bill banning "putting angry hands to lady necks" and "hurting pretty ladies with ...

Following a cyber attack to the fast food chain's Twitter account, the thousands of people who had chosen to follow Burger King were left ...

A disturbing new study reveals that women's prisons are not the hotbeds of sexy discipline and kittenish exploration they should be.