Experts advise that anyone venturing outdoors should be on the lookout for extremely crunchy leaves and winds as high as 12 mph.
The Obama campaign is cautiously optimistic after initial reports indicated that most of the people killed were registered Republicans.
Chinese gathered to see Zhang Tong, the first Chinese man to go into space without being chained inside the rocket.
In response to Republican attacks, Barack Obama unleashed a series of slightly negative ads that gently point out how McCain could be doing a better ...
The new facility will be an intimate beachfront stadium where the Yankees can go to get away from the hustle and bustle of New York ...
McCain pointed to his personal success in marrying a wealthy beer heiress to prove how the plan could benefit every American.
In an appeal to working class voters, Barack Obama claimed his economic plan would save millions of backbreaking, mind-numbing shitty jobs.
Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, you’ll barely be able to tell they have no souls.
The sudden drop in demand for "Buck Fush" T-shirts and "Hail to the Chimp" posters could leave millions unemployed.
After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.
On Today Now! paranormal detective Leonard Higgs explains that using ghosts to solve crimes actually involves a lot of paperwork.
Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
Overjoyed civil rights leaders say that Barack Obama has paved the way for future black politicians to be smeared as country club snobs.
Texas residents are relieved that the deadly Category 5 storm just missed them, destroying a horn-shaped land mass south of them instead.
Residents took part in rituals like picking through the charred remains of their homes and feigning shock that this could happen to them.
A recent election poll indicates vegan independents and skydiving widowers are among the groups that will have a major impact in November.
Mission specialist Robert Barrett first became suspicious when he noticed most of his tasks involved measuring his waist and eating cookie dough.
The Chinese government explained that the fatal disease is caused by the excitement of the Olympics, not infected birds, as was previously reported.
Cosmo scientists have finally cataloged every single way to satisfy your man's carnal cravings by stimulating his secret sex zones.
The spokesdrone will field questions deemed too dangerous for a human press secretary, whose career could be irreparably damaged by answering them.