Voting
Magical Voting Booth Transforms Clearheaded Americans Into Reactionist Morons
DENVER—A voting booth stationed at the fifth district municipal center in Denver possesses the otherworldly power to transform rational...
Long Lines Anticipated At Polls
Despite early voting, some are expecting a record turnout and long lines at polling places Tuesday. What do you think?
Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president.
As Election Draws Near, Area Man Moves To All-Obama T-Shirt Rotation
BURBANK, CA—After hearing the Democratic nominee call on his supporters not to let up in light of recent polls, Burbank resident Noah...
Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.
Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early
Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
Americans Announce They're Dropping Out Of Presidential Race
WASHINGTON—Intense media coverage of trivial issues, partisan bickering, and the relentless exploitation of 9/11 discouraged Americans from making it to Election Day.
Aug. 27, 1920
Women Get Vote, Rest Rooms
Rhode Island Votes To Move 2008 Primary To Tomorrow
PROVIDENCE, RI—The Rhode Island legislature has passed a law moving the state's presidential primary to tomorrow, forcing candidates from...
Voting Rights Act Extended
On Thursday, the U.S. Senate approved a 25-year extension of the 1965 Voting Rights Act, which protected the voting rights of African Americans. What...
Latin America Leaning Left
With the election of Socialist pediatrician Michelle Bachelet in Chile, Latin America is leaning further to the left. What do you think?









