ONN's Presidential Debate Gives Average Americans Totally Unsupervised Airtime
Voters can't wait to show Obama and Romney the pointless talents that make America great.
War for the white house
Romney Foreign Policy Debate Prep In Crisis Mode After Discovering Existence Of Country Called 'Womania'
BOCA RATON, FL—Sources within the Romney campaign said the candidate’s preparation for tonight’s foreign policy debate with President Barack Obama went into ...
'I Feel Your Pain,' Romney Tells Campaign Rally Attendees Who Make $20 Million A Year
INDIAN HILL, OH—As he continues to tout his plan to fix the economy and “make things right,” presidential nominee Mitt Romney delivered a heartfelt ...
Update: More Romney Google Searches Revealed
Okay, See, This Exactly What Irritated Man Talking About | More Local News: onion.com/PQaScv — The Onion (@TheOnion) October 18, 2012 The Onion Book of ...
Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked
BREAKING: Analysts are scrambling to determine what leaked searches like "Blood child, blood on the child" and "must the president look at people" could tell ...
Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate
NEW YORK—Following tonight’s debate between President Barack Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney, millions of Americans took to the Internet to read the ...
Debate Cut Short As Lantern Fire Burns Down Ol' Town Hall
HEMPSTEAD, NY—A time-honored tradition ended in calamity tonight when, less than an hour after presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Barack Obama gathered together in ...
Romney Tells Heartbreaking Lie About Single Mother Of 4 He Never Met
HEMPSTEAD, NY—In response to a question on unemployment asked during tonight’s town-hall-style debate, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney shared a touching and poignant ...
First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan
HEMPSTEAD, NY—Following the opening statements by President Barack Obama and challenger Mitt Romney during tonight’s town-hall-style debate, the first question asked by an ...
Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time
HEMPSTEAD, NY—According to reports, millions of viewers across the country are expected to tune in to tonight’s town-hall-style presidential debate at Hofstra University ...
The Onion's Swing State Analysis: Florida
The Onion profiles key battleground state Florida, known for being a state that can go either way. For instance, in 2000, the state famously voted ...
Lyndon Johnson Pulls Ahead In Poll Of Nation's Alzheimer's Patients
BOCA RATON, FL—A survey of the nation’s Alzheimer’s patients conducted Sunday by Public Policy Polling indicates that Lyndon Johnson now holds a ...
Naked, Tied-Up Paul Ryan Tells Staff He Can’t Prepare For Debate Unless They Slap Him Harder
DANVILLE, KY—Lying fully nude with his wrists and ankles tied to the corners of his hotel room bed, an intense, sweat-drenched Paul Ryan reportedly ...
Biden's Handlers Suggesting He Forget The Words 'Pink' And 'Stink' Altogether
WILMINGTON, DE—While attempting to prepare the vice president for tomorrow night’s debate against Rep. Paul Ryan...
Keys To The Vice Presidential Debate
Vice President Joe Biden and Republican challenger Paul Ryan will square off in their first and only debate Thursday night at Centre College in Danville ...
Romney Frantically Figuring Out How Tax Plan Could Actually Work After Realizing He Might Win Election
LEXINGTON, VA—Reacting to news Monday that his performance in last week’s domestic policy debate had significantly boosted his poll numbers and put him ...
Romney: 'This Is Why They Call Me Turnaround Mitty From Comeback City'
LEXINGTON, VA—Speaking at a rally on Monday, GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney told supporters his dramatic resurgence in the polls following last week’s ...
The Onion's Swing State Analysis: Ohio
Ohio figures to once again be a key battleground state. The Onion presents its profile of the swing state that sends Republicans and Democrats alike ...
