‘Ellen May Return When The Red River Ebbs’
SILVER SPRINGS, MD—Following reports Wednesday that Human Resources manager Ellen Neely had begun her menstrual cycle, employees of venture capital firm Optima Group decreed ...
WASHINGTON—An alarming new labor report released just moments ago has concluded that you should stop reading this article right now and get the fuck ...
Find the shittiest apartment known to humankind and move in with three people you don’t know from Craigslist Send one resume out and wait ...
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
WASHINGTON—After a brief two-day reprieve from looking at them day in and day out, Americans across the nation were yet again forced to endure ...
HARTFORD, CT—Following months of hesitantly tiptoeing around the matter, sources confirmed that local claims adjuster Jeff Sterling today finally “cut the shit” and demanded ...
LUBBOCK, TX—Despite a pleasant two-minute chat following a chance encounter at a local restaurant over the weekend, coworkers Ned Haines and Rupert Walford greeted ...
ROCHESTER, NY—Citing such examples as his understated eye rolls or how he often delivers a faint, judgment-filled “hmm” after an employee passionately presents an ...
SEATTLE—Citing their stuck-up attitudes and stupid, hip little outfits, a devastating new report from Waverly Building sources found Tuesday that the people who work ...
Kevin Bright's coworkers were shocked to learn that the mild-mannered, reserved temp spends his free time performing shitty music.
RALEIGH, NC—Friends of local man James Perry, reported Tuesday that the 29-year-old somehow lives in a perpetual state of anxiety and agitation despite of ...
ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ—Citing a need to compete in today's "cutthroat" business environment, PricewaterhouseCoopers CEO Samuel DiPiazza has made...
LOS ANGELES—Just moments after successfully stopping his patient's heart at 10:30 p.m. Tuesday, bleary-eyed surgeon Dr. Dennis Kelly called...
BARABOO, WI—Traveling circus performer Scott Mueller, who said he has dreamed of becoming a lion tamer since childhood, was dismayed Monday...