Silvio Berlusconi Transferred To Steamy All-Female Penitentiary
MILAN, ITALY—Hours after being sentenced to seven years in prison for having sex with an underage prostitute and abusing his power, former Italian Prime ...
World
Syrian Rebels, Government Think It’s About Time To Call Syria A Day
DAMASCUS—Two years into a devastating civil war that has left nearly 100,000 dead, caused incalculable destruction, and all but ruined the prospects of ...
Italy, Japan Advance To G8 Finals
ENNISKILLEN, NORTHERN IRELAND—On the heels of eliminating the United Kingdom in their highly anticipated Tuesday afternoon matchup, Italy has joined Japan to become the ...
Sources: You Don’t Want To Know What Currently Happening To Saudi Arabian Woman
JEDDAH, SAUDI ARABIA—Solemn-faced sources confirmed today that you do not want to know anything at all about what is happening at this very moment ...
New Iranian President Really Impressed With Country’s Nuclear Arms Program
TEHRAN—After touring various energy plants and fusion reactors throughout the country, newly elected Iranian President Hasan Rowhani told reporters Monday that he is incredibly ...
Nelson Mandela Admits Thoughts, Prayers Of Millions Played No Part In Recovery
‘My Doctors Treated Me,’ Explains South African Icon
PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Addressing supporters Monday from the hospital bed where he is being treated for a recurring lung infection, former South African president Nelson ...
Report: Many Iraqis Still Holding Petty Grudge About U.S. Invasion
WASHINGTON—In spite of the rest of the world long having agreed to move on with their lives, a new report issued Monday reveals that ...
Bangladesh Factory Owners Vow To Change Nothing So That This Happens Again
SAVAR, BANGLADESH—In the wake of a garment factory collapse last month that claimed the lives of more than 1,100 laborers, clothing factory owners ...
Intact Benetton Shirt Miraculously Pulled From Bangladesh Rubble Weeks Later
DHAKA, BANGLADESH—Nearly three weeks after the tragic collapse of a factory building in Bangladesh, overjoyed representatives for the clothing company United Colors of Benetton ...
Palestinians, Israelis Come Together To Mock Obama's Hopelessly Naive Speech
JERUSALEM—Coming together for the first time in generations, Palestinian and Israeli citizens were reportedly seen gathered at the West Bank today mocking President Obama ...
‘It’s Like Biggie And Tupac All Over Again,’ Says Dumbass Of Korean Conflict
CLEVELAND—Following reports of newly heightened tensions between North and South Korea, local imbecile Aaron Weiss, 29, concluded today that the escalating international conflict was ...
Ugandan Powerball Jackpot Hits 31 Grains Of Rice
KAMPALA, UGANDA—Powerball mania continues to grip Uganda after last night's nationwide lottery drawing failed to generate a winner, pushing the prize total up ...
World Leader Wondering Why He Just Met With The Former Governor Of Massachusetts
WARSAW, POLAND—World leader and president of Poland Bronisław Komorowski was reportedly puzzled Tuesday as to why he had just met with a man who ...
Kim Jong-Un Volunteers For First Shift Of Wife's Suicide Watch
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—One day after his marriage to Ri Sol-ju was officially announced on state television, North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un volunteered to ...
International AIDS Conference Attendees Receive Complimentary Gift Bag Full Of Awesome AIDS Gear
WASHINGTON—Upon entering the Walter E. Johnson Convention Center Monday, attendees of the 2012 International AIDS Conference were reportedly treated to free gift bags full ...
Nelson Mandela Celebrates 94th Birthday In Prison After Violating Parole
ROBBEN ISLAND—Following reports he crossed international borders without first calling his parole officer, former South African president Nelson Mandela celebrated his 94th birthday yesterday ...
European Debt Crisis Solutions
As the debt crisis continues to batter Europe’s finances, many countries, including Greece, Spain, and Italy, have been forced to impose severe austerity measures.
