adBlockCheck

Contact The Onion

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Contact The Onion

Office
Chicago (Corporate Headquarters)
Phone: 312-751-0503 | Fax: 312-751-4137

Advertising
advertising@theonion.com

Press and Events
press@theonion.com

Feedback
publicfeedback@theonion.com

Back Issues
archive@theonion.com

Licensing
permissions@theonion.com

Website Support
To report a technical issue with TheOnion.com, please email issues@theonion.com with a summary of the issue and your browser information.


Staff

The Onion

Editor In Chief Cole Bolton
Head Writer Chad Nackers
Managing Editor Ben Berkley
Deputy Managing Editor Marnie Shure
Sports Editor/Senior Writer Seena Vali
Senior Writer Dan McGraw
Staff Writers Matthew Hunziker, Louisa Kellogg
Video Writers Mike Gillis, Katy Yeiser
Copy Editor Devin Schiff
Digital Editor Fran Hoepfner
Senior Contributing Editor Danny Mulligan
Contributing Editor Dave Kornfeld
Writer At Large Tim Harrod
Writing Fellows Jennifer Jackson, Nick Mehendale
Editorial Assistant Kelsey Beachum
Writing Apprentice Jeremy Levick
Éminence Grise Todd Hanson
Senior Contributor Writers Zach Rice, Bijan Samareh, Matt Spina
Contributing Writers Adam Albright-Hanna, River Clegg, Chris Karwowski, David McQuary, Andrei Nechita, Chris Pauls, Tim Sampson, Maria Schneider, Nick Stefanovich, Evan Waite, Sam Weiner
Other Contributors Joanna Borns, Shira Rachel Danan, Jackie Lalley, Mike Levine, Johnny McNulty, Jill Morris, Katie Petrachonis, Joe Pickett, Matt Solomon, Eddie Small, Sigmund Stern, Dan Treadway, Coley Wright


Art Department

Art Director Eric Ervine
Managing Graphics Editor Jimmy Hasse
Senior Graphics Editor Nicole Antonuccio
Junior Graphics Editors Rebecca Fassola, Marcus Nuccio


Onion Video

Writing

Head Writer Matt Klinman
Senior Staff Writer David Iscoe
Staff Writers Georgie Aldaco, David Guzman, David Sidorov
Writing Fellows Hunter Nelson, Gilbert Shi

Production

Creative Director, Editorial Video Leo Garcia
Director of Post-Production Rick Livingston
Director of Labs and Studio Production MaryBeth Searls
Director/Senior Producer, ClickHole Video Will Feinstein
Senior Producer, Onion Video Ryan Natoli
Editor Nick Moore
Editor Abe Zverow
Producer Karl Blomberg
Digital Artist/AP Devin Vaughn
Casting Associate Stephanie Potakis


Marketing

Marketing Director Joe Fullman
Content Marketing Director Jordan David
Digital Producer Dan Davis
Social Media Community Manager, A.V. Club Cameron Scheetz
Social Media Manager, StarWipe Jessica Krinke


Business

President & CEO Mike McAvoy (mmcavoy@theonion.com)
Chief Operations Officer Kurt Mueller
Chief Creative Officer Rick Hamann
Chief Resource Officer Katie Pontius
SVP, Editorial Director Josh Modell
SVP, Product & Technology Chris Sprehe
VP, Labs and Studio Production George Zwierzynski


Onion Labs

VP, General Manager Julie Scott
VP, Director of Strategic Partnerships Kristine Desrochers
Group Account Director Kate Black
Creative Marketing Director Hassan S. Ali
Social Strategist Eric Munn
Copywriter Kris Kennedy
Copywriter David Schermer

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close