The Onion

Monday, September 3, 2007

Afghan Opium Yields Highest Ever

Cultivation of opium poppies in Afghanistan reached a record level for the second year in a row, rising by 60 percent. What do you think?

Old Man

Kevin Elliott,
Corporate Librarian
"I think I'll wait another year to join NA, just to see how this thing pans out."

Old Woman

Regina Davis,
Photographer's Assistant
"I just don't understand how Afghanistan can be such a depressing place with all that opium around."

Young Man

Raphael Jurwicz,
Systems Analyst
"Finally, the Darwinian population control variable we've been waiting for."

All American Voices

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