The Onion

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Anti-Cancer Machine Invented?

Research reports on the American Cancer Society's website suggest that a new machine, invented by a Florida man with no medical training, may be able to destroy cancer cells. What do you think?

Young Woman

Kerry Huth,
Systems Analyst
"The inventor has no medical training? I think I'll stick with my cancer, thanks."

Old Woman

Alma Stein,
Montessori Teacher
"Using gold nanoparticles to attack the cells is either ingenious or very stupid, depending on what my HMO says."

Asian Man

Kevin Blum,
Collectibles Dealer
"Yeah, well the machine I invented in my basement destroys a lot more than just cancer cells."

All American Voices

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