The Onion

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Anti-Smoking Drug Linked To Accidents

The Federal Drug Administration has banned the use of the anti-smoking drug Chantix by pilots or air traffic controllers, citing side effects that have been linked to auto accidents. What do you think?

Young Woman

Layla Smerker,
Auto Body Worker
"Look, before people get upset with the FDA, they should know Pfizer meticulously test-marketed this drug for years, and turns out there's a large segment of the public who will risk insanity and death to stop smoking."

Black Man

Rich Klenk,
Hair Stylist
"This might explain why the pilot on my last flight constantly came on the PA to point out smokestacks below the plane."

Young Man

Matty Cimberg,
Systems Analyst
"This could make a good anti-smoking campaign: 'If you smoke, no matter what you do, you will die a horrible death.'"

Personal of the Day