The Onion

Monday, October 22, 2007

Boomers On Social Security

The first U.S. baby boomer, born one second after midnight on January 1, 1946, has applied for Social Security benefits. What do you think?

Old Man

Randy Venable,
Stenograher
"Wait a second. Not only do I have to pay to keep them safe from terrorists, I have to pay so they can retire, too?"

Old Woman

Mary Errett,
Clothing Salesperson
"Things may look bleak right now but with our next postwar bubble of vigorous economic growth, it should be 1946 all over again in no time."

Young Man

Colin Halverson,
Systems Analyst
"Fuck it. If this Social Security ship is about to sink, I'm telling Amy I love her!"

All American Voices

Personal of the Day