The Onion

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Charlton Heston Dies

Charlton Heston, National Rifle Association spokesman and star of The Omega Man, The Ten Commandments, and Planet Of The Apes, died Saturday at 84. What do you think?

Old Man

Rodrigo Bennet,
Brick Layer
"No, I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Mickey Rooney. Charlton Heston has been dead for at least five years."

Young Woman

Tracy McManus,
Piano Teacher
"It must have been comforting for him to pass away peacefully in his home instead of in a MADHOUSE! A MADHOUSE!!!"

Asian Man

Steve DeVoto,
Network Administrator
"I send my thoughts and prayers to the Heston family. I'd also like to know when and where the funeral service is going to be held so I can send an ammunition wreath."

Personal of the Day