The Onion

Friday, March 2, 2007

Computer Crash Affects Dow Jones

A computer error fueled a panic at the already jittery New York Stock Exchange Tuesday, causing stocks to fall further. What do you think?

Young Woman

Robin Feil,
Systems Analyst
"I was fooled by the glitch and tried to sell off my portfolio, but luckily I couldn't get my broker on the phone because he shot himself in the head. Whew!"

Young Man

Jordan Dixon,
Non-Profit Fundraiser
"That's the last straw. I'm taking my money out of stocks right now and putting it toward a hot dog."

Black Man

Jonathan Edgerton,
Tour Guide
"If anyone could handle a stock-exchange computer glitch, it's those calm, composed Wall Street traders."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day