The Onion

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Dieting Doesn't Work

According to a comprehensive review of 31 long-term studies, scientists at the University of California say that dieting does not result in permanent weight loss. What do you think?

Young Man

Marc LeSage,
Systems Analyst
"As the owner of a sweat pants warehouse, this couldn't be better news."

Old Woman

Becca Potter,
Mail Sorter
"That's okay with me since I only diet to lose weight for specific occasions like special events, vacations, or when I want my ex- boyfriends to regret dumping me."

Old Man

Neil Gaines,
Armored Car Driver
"When will Americans learn that dieting is not enough and must be combined with a healthy regimen of amphetamines to ensure weight loss."

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