The Onion

Friday, May 9, 2008

Earliest American Scat Found

The earliest-known fossilized feces was found recently in Oregon, placing humans on the American continents 1000 years earlier than previously believed. What do you think?

Young Woman

Sarah Fripp,
Systems Analyst
"I like to think that in thousands of years somebody is going to be looking at my poop."

Young Man

Errol Judd,
Line Cook
"Oh, sure. The only difference between a Nobel Prize and an injunction is a couple hundred thousand years."

Black Man

Albert MacKay,
Mechanic
"How can we be sure that some ancient nerd didn't just carry an already thousand-year-old petrified turd with him when he crossed over the land bridge from Asia?"

All American Voices

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