The Onion

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

One in Five Scientists Use Brain Enhancing Drugs

One in five respondents to a poll conducted by the journal Nature said they had used drugs to boost their brain power. What do you think?

Old Man

Ralph Liples,
Electrician
"The real danger here is the use of these drugs by aspiring scientists trying desperately to emulate their heroes and to secure their own fame and fortune."

Young Woman

Cara McKay,
Pharmacist
"I can't wait to see that smug fuck Albert Fert stripped of his Nobel."

Asian Man

Perry Kelly,
Cabinet Maker
"When will scientists learn that real progress comes from the heart, not from some test tube full of chemicals."

Personal of the Day