The Onion

Monday, May 12, 2008

Optimism Can't Beat Cancer

A recent medical study suggests that your chances of surviving head and neck cancer are the same if you have a positive outlook or a negative outlook. What do you think?

Young Man

Alexander Rodas,
Sales Associate
"Please don't tell that to my dad. He's been so nice to everyone lately."

Old Woman

Colleen Curtin,
Store Manager
"Based on my observations, optimism also can't beat depression."

Old Man

Will Braverman,
Systems Analyst
"It must have been great to be in the control group that got all the chemotherapy drugs."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day