The Onion

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Plague Fatality In Arizona

An autopsy revealed that an Arizona biologist who was found dead on Nov. 2 had contracted the pneumonic plague after handling a cougar corpse. What do you think?

Young Man

Charlie Thornton,
Pasta Maker
"Exactly what precautions can the rest of us take? Avoiding cougar carcasses? Is that very realistic?"

Young Woman

Mary Benning,
Mattress Salesperson
"The resurgence of the plague is probably because God is angry with mankind. Either that or because the bacterium, Yersinia pestis, is found in rodents and their fleas and is prevalent in many areas of the world."

Asian Man

Haitham Tahir,
Book Binder
"Did he have a headache and fatigue and stuff? Shit, I'm going to die."

Personal of the Day