The Onion

Monday, September 17, 2007

Russia Tests Largest Conventional Bomb

Russia successfully tested the largest airborne non-nuclear bomb, delivering a blast four times more powerful than the U.S.' "Mother of All Bombs."

Old Man

Darren Warshaw,
Barista
"It's good to know that World War III will have a short period of spectacular conventional destruction as a build-up to nuclear holocaust."

Old Woman

Linda Braxton,
Systems Analyst
"All I have to say is thank God for that Star Wars program."

Young Man

Cody Friel,
Banquet Waiter
"Well, you know what, Russia? We've got a not-currently-deployed Coast Guard who is keeping an eye on you."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day