The Onion

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Study: Smokers Bad For Workplace

A new study shows that smokers have a poorer-than-average work performance and call in sick more than non-smokers. What do you think?

Black Man

Ryan Van Duyne,
Admissions Officer
"I smoke and it doesn't affect my performance at work. Even if it did, I can quit my job anytime."

Asian Man

Arch Potts,
Mobile Disc Jockey
"I don't see what's wrong with wanting to take a few days to yourself to get some important smoking done."

Old Woman

Pepper Day,
Neurosurgeon
"I think this can all be solved if smokers simply switch to pipes. Who doesn't appear smarter and more productive with a pipe?"

Personal of the Day