The Onion

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Sugar-Free Gum Linked To Diarrhea

Doctors in Berlin have found that sorbitol, the artificial sweetener found in many sugar-free gums, can lead to chronic diarrhea and considerable weight loss. What do you think?

Young Woman

Wendy Beauvoir,
Choir Director
"I look and smell great, so what if I have a little diarrhea?"

Black Man

Wes Funa,
Hair Stylist
"It also leads to a million friends asking for a stick of your gum. Jeez. If you want gum, bring it yourself!"

Young Man

Chris Smith,
Systems Analyst
"Doesn't affect me. I was born a Hubba Bubba man, I'll die a Hubba Bubba man."

Personal of the Day