The Onion

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Tobacco-Addiction Center Found

Scientists have located the part of the brain linked to cigarette addiction. What do you think?

Old Man

Arthur Quigle,
Scrap-Yard Worker
"What a great day for humanity. Pretty soon, none of our shitty behavior will be our fault."

Young Woman

Lacey Janson,
Pilot
"If it's the brain that's responsible and not the nicotine, we all have some major-tobacco-company apologizing to do."

Asian Man

Omar Abbas,
Construction Worker
"Great! So could you hit that part with a board or pipe for me? Because I'm really needing a fix right now."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day