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Potato-Faced Youngster Lauded For Memorizing Primitive 26-Character Alphabet

issue 4530 | 07.27.09

Following approved article contains: Confounding celebration of dim-witted child's miniscule achievement; Evidence of great failure that is...
Nation Descends Into Chaos As Throat Infection Throws Off Obama's Cadence

issue 4529 | 07.14.09

WASHINGTON—"Run for your lives! The president no longer has a masterful yet unpretentious command of the English language," cried citizens from...
Nation About Due For Big Cult Suicide

issue 4528 | 07.06.09

WASHINGTON—The FBI has advised Americans to steel themselves for the grisly details of "a big group of weirdos knocking themselves off in a...
King Of Pop Dead At 12

issue 4526 | 06.26.09

LOS ANGELES—Michael Jackson, a talented child performer known for his love of amusement park rides and his hobby of collecting exotic...
Obama Announces Plans To Run For McCain's Senate Seat In 2010

issue 4525 | 06.16.09

PHOENIX—"Together, we can meet the challenges we face. Together, we can send a message to Washington, and together, we can beat John McCain,"...
Michelle Obama's Arms Meet With Sri Lankan Refugees

issue 4524 | 06.09.09

VAVUNIYA, SRI LANKA—Refugees said they were awed by the dignity and grace of the limbs, lauding the lack of "bat-wing fat" that plagues so many...