Fed Bans Debit Overdraft Fees
"Well, okay. So long as I still get penalized for using my credit cards."
Nation's Fast Food Patrons No Longer Trusted To Dispense Own Ketchup
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Greyhound Now Offering Direct Service From Kansas To L.A. Porn Director's Driveway
DALLAS—In an effort to reduce travel times for thousands of customers every year, Greyhound Lines announced Monday that it will now offer regular bus service from anywhere in the state of...
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Increasingly Horrified Man Listens To Self Explain What He Does For A Living
CHARLOTTE, NC—Dawning horror tinged with self-loathing crept slowly over the face of claims adjuster Robert Pettlebaum, 42, as he described his job and by extension his life to others during...
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Entire Office Unsure What To Do About Bawling Coworker
FINDLAY, OH—The entire office staff of Altman & Hanson Accounting remained utterly baffled as to what, if anything, should be done in response to the prominent sobbing coming from the...
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United Airlines Exploring Viability Of Stacking Them Like Cordwood
CHICAGO—In its ongoing effort to cut transportation costs and boost profits, United Airlines announced Tuesday that it was exploring the feasibility of herding them into planes and stacking...
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Group Of Popular Girls Reduces Nation To Tears
NEW YORK—A group of popular teenage girls viciously insulted the United States Tuesday, causing the populace to break down and cry following assertions that its 300 million citizens are...
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World-Weary Sigh Emanates From Next Bathroom Stall
SCHAUMBURG, IL—A deep, drawn-out, world-weary sigh emanated from an occupied bathroom stall at a local office building Monday, witnesses reported. The sigh, described by those who heard it...
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Priest Shortage Forces Vatican To Hire Temps To Deliver Sacred Rites
MILWAUKEE—In an emergency effort to boost the dwindling number of Roman Catholic priests in the United States, the Vatican contracted with a nationwide staffing firm last week to hire...
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Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date
NEW YORK—According to a report published this week in American Journalism Review, 93 percent of all newspaper sales can now be attributed to kidnappers seeking to prove the day's date...
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Real Estate »
Be-yurt-iful!
This lovely 1-br/0-bath yurt boasts a circular lattice frame, sturdy roof poles, and a thick felt covering. Structure quickly assembles/disassembles for easy yak-mounted transport. Quit wasting valuable goat-herding time and contact Gulnur today! Reference number JGE-0347654
Real Estate »
Be The Fonz!
Live above a Milwaukee garage, just like everyone's favorite greaser who said "Ayyyyyy!" Three-foot-high crawl space with cushiony fiberglass floor can accommodate the weight of one cool guy weighing 165 pounds or less and perhaps a blanket and squat dresser. Reference number JFWN-1947
