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  Jim Anchower

  Jim Anchower joined The Onion's editorial writing staff in 1993 after several distinguished years on The Come Back Inn dishwashing staff. He comments on community-affairs, automotive, and employment issues. He attended LaFollette High School in Madison, WI.

The Cruise

• I Got To Find A New Place To Live

  Hola, amigos. How's by you? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been weighed down by a shit-ton of trouble. First of all, my...

• I Meant To Vote, But You Know How It Goes

  Hola, amigos. How's it going with you? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya. I been trying get through a jungle of bullshit, but it...

• I'm Fryin' My Nuts Off!

  Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things have been getting plenty hairy around here. First, I been running like...

• I Got A Rat Problem, And I Don't Mean The Band

  Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been puttin' out fires left and right. First off, the brakes on my Festiva...

• I Was Too Gone To Go To Work

  Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been trying to keep myself dry in the shitstorm, you know? First of all, I...

• I'm Totally Dating A Black Chick

  Hola, amigos. What up? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things got crazy, if you know what I mean. I got sacked from my job...

• I'm Gonna Get Me A Wii If It Kills Me

  Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I got a lot on my plate these days. Serious, it was a one-two punch that...

• I Kinda Had A Breakdown

  Hola amigos. How's shit shaking out? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but misery's been flying at me from all directions, and...

• I Guess I Got A Girlfriend

  Hola amigos. What's shakin'? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but the waters are not always smooth in Lake Anchower. The brakes...

• My Hover-Car Is Shot

  Hola, amigos. What's your deal? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but there's been all sorts of mess going on in my life. For one thing, I've been having a hard time getting my government checks. Not that they're worth a whole lot, but I didn't work 57 jobs just to wait by the...