Math Skills Show Little Growth
"Oh, no. All of our high-paying jobs differentiating between parallelograms and rhombuses are sure to go to the Chinese."
Montessori School Of Dentistry Lets Students Discover Their Own Root Canal Procedures
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Quaker Oats Canister Relabeled 'DRUGS' For Grade School Play
ABINGDON, MD—In order to dispel any confusion regarding the contents of a 42-ounce Quaker Oats canister used in the play Drugs Stink!, Orchard Elementary School students wrapped the...
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Death Of 12 Schoolchildren Makes Perfect Sense
MYRTLE BEACH, SC—In a tragedy none have struggled to comprehend, a group of 12 schoolchildren on a whale-watching trip died in a perfectly logical manner Tuesday when their boat capsized one...
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University Of Illinois Researchers Find Link Between Attending University Of Illinois, Receiving Solid Education At Great Price
URBANA, IL—According to a new study conducted by researchers at the University of Illinois, there is a strong correlation between enrolling at the local four-year college and receiving a...
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Teacher Wishes She Could Inspire One Of The More Popular Students
GRESHAM, OR—After spending half an hour Monday instilling much-needed confidence in one of her most timid freshmen, Sam Barlow High School English teacher Karen Norgren, 48, expressed her...
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Loser Senior Takes Loser Freshman Under His Wing
MARGATE, FL—In a rare act of upperclassman generosity, Mangrove High School loser senior Chris Payack announced Monday that he is tending to the well-being of loser freshman Anthony...
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Report: Some Kid's Head Cracked Open In Gym This Morning
NAPERVILLE, IL—-In an event that everyone at James Madison Junior High is calling really freaking gross, some kid's head got cracked open Wednesday during third-period gym class....
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New College Freshman Refers To Dorm By Actual Name
NEWARK, DE—University of Delaware freshman Jared Kramer was overheard referring to dormitory Wolfington-Packard Hall by its full name yesterday, causing confusion among friends and...
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Study: Abstinence-Only Lunch Programs Ineffective At Combating Teen Obesity
WASHINGTON—According to the findings of a recent Department of Health and Human Services study, school lunch programs that teach children to avoid all contact with food may not be an...
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