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<rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" version="2.0" xml:base="http://www.theonion.com/content"><channel><title>Onion Sports</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content</link><description>Onion Sports</description><language>en-us</language><copyright>2009</copyright><item><title>Sports: Several 2009 MLB Awards Clearly Thought Up On The Spot</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/several_2009_mlb_awards?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[NEW YORK&mdash;A number of players suggested to reporters Monday that, with accolades such as the AL Platinum Baseman Award and the Best Lead Off of the Year Trophy, the Baseball Writers' Association of America was almost certainly making up its year-end honors on the spot.]]></description><pubDate>Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:30:41 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/several_2009_mlb_awards?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/MLB.article_0.jpg" length="21970" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/MLB.thumbnail_0.jpg" length="5154" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category></item><item><title>Sports: LeBron James Encourages NBA To Stop Jumping In Honor Of Michael Jordan</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/lebron_james_encourages_nba?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON&mdash;Prior to Wednesday's game against the Washington Wizards, Cleveland Cavaliers all-star LeBron James announced that he would stop jumping during professional basketball games in order to properly honor recent Hall of Fame inductee Michael Jordan.]]></description><pubDate>Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:30:23 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/lebron_james_encourages_nba?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Lebron.article.jpg" length="8231" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Lebron.thumbnail.jpg" length="2058" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Basketball">Basketball</category></item><item><title>Sports: Eagles Settle For Field Goal After 260-Yard Drive</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/eagles_settle_for_field?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[SAN DIEGO&mdash;The Eagles were forced to settle for a field goal against the Chargers Sunday after sustaining a 260-yard, 64-play drive that featured six separate red-zone appearances and took 52 minutes off the game clock.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:00:10 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/eagles_settle_for_field?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Eagles.article.jpg" length="11834" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Eagles.thumbnail.jpg" length="2386" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: On Titans Owner Bud Adams Being Fined For Flipping Off The Crowd: </title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_titans_owner_bud_adams?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:03:11 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_titans_owner_bud_adams?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_Fan">Sports Fan</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: Hubris In Sports</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/hubris_in_sports?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[Bill Belichick's recent display of arrogance is only the latest example of sporting pride leading to a fall.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:00:12 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/hubris_in_sports?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Bill.thumbnail.jpg" length="1491" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sportsgraphic">Sportsgraphic</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_Culture">Sports Culture</category></item><item><title>Sports: Patriots Lead Colts At Halftime</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/patriots_lead_colts_at_halftime?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[INDIANAPOLIS&mdash;As of press time, the New England Patriots, playing on the road against an undefeated Indianapolis team, are headed into halftime with an all-but-insurmountable 24-14 lead.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:00:45 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/patriots_lead_colts_at_halftime?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Colts-Pats.article.jpg" length="12105" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Colts-Pats.thumbnail.jpg" length="2359" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: Mickey Mouse Noticeably Avoids A-Rod During Trip To Disney World</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/mickey_mouse_noticeably?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[ORLANDO, FL&mdash;Members of the Yankees couldn't help but notice that the resort's iconic mascot Mickey Mouse made a special effort to avoid Alex...]]></description><pubDate>Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:51:08 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/mickey_mouse_noticeably?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Arod.article_1.jpg" length="3719" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Arod.thumbnail_1.jpg" length="1062" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category></item><item><title>Sports: Kansas City Fails To Pick Up Option On Royals</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/kansas_city_fails_to_pick?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[KANSAS CITY, MO&mdash;In an expected move Wednesday, the City of Kansas City declined to pick up their 2010 option on the Royals baseball club,...]]></description><pubDate>Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:50:23 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/kansas_city_fails_to_pick?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Royals.article_0.jpg" length="3553" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Royals.thumbnail_0.jpg" length="1113" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: Memphis Grizzlies Continue To Insist They Have 5 Players Better Than Allen Iverson</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/memphis_grizzlies_continue?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[MEMPHIS, TN&mdash;Though Allen Iverson has taken an indefinite leave of absence and even threatened to retire because of his current bench role,...]]></description><pubDate>Sat, 14 Nov 2009 10:48:41 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/memphis_grizzlies_continue?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Iverson.article.jpg" length="9180" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Iverson.thumbnail.jpg" length="2339" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Basketball">Basketball</category></item><item><title>Sports: Saints Completely Satisfied With 8-0 Start</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/saints_completely_satisfied?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[NEW ORLEANS&mdash;Sources within the Saints organization confirmed Wednesday that players, coaches, and executives alike are all "perfectly...]]></description><pubDate>Fri, 13 Nov 2009 10:30:59 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/saints_completely_satisfied?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Saints.article.jpg" length="10932" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Saints.thumbnail.jpg" length="2576" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: Report: Yankees Trademarked 'Yankees Suck' Chant In 1996</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_yankees_trademarked_yankees?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[TAMPA, FL&mdash;New York Yankees team ownership revealed Tuesday that the phrase "Yankees suck," one of the most popular chants in sports, was trademarked by the 27-time World Series champions...]]></description><pubDate>Fri, 13 Nov 2009 07:00:49 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_yankees_trademarked_yankees?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Yankees-Suck.article.jpg" length="14793" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Yankees-Suck.thumbnail.jpg" length="2875" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category></item><item><title>Sports: On Sammy Sosa's Strangely Lightening Skin:</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_sammy_sosas_strangely?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:00:48 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_sammy_sosas_strangely?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_Fan">Sports Fan</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: 2009 Midseason NFL Highlights</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/2009_midseason_nfl_highlights?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[At the midpoint of the regular season, we take a look back at the NFL's highlights and notable moments.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:00:20 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/2009_midseason_nfl_highlights?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Midseason.thumbnail.jpg" length="1980" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sportsgraphic">Sportsgraphic</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: Ahmad Bradshaw Still Had Pretty Good Weekend Despite Loss To Chargers</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/ahmad_bradshaw_still_had?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ&mdash;Though the the Chargers dealt the Giants a crushing fourth consecutive loss Sunday, running back Ahmad Bradshaw admitted...]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:00:03 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/ahmad_bradshaw_still_had?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Bradshaw.article.jpg" length="5041" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Bradshaw.thumbnail.jpg" length="1271" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: Tim Duncan Makes Citizen's Foul Call</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_makes_citizens?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[SAN ANTONIO&mdash;Spurs center Tim Duncan took officiating into his own hands Saturday when he made a citizen's foul call on Kings guard Kevin...]]></description><pubDate>Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:43:53 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_makes_citizens?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Duncan.article_1.jpg" length="7420" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Duncan.thumbnail_1.jpg" length="1784" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Basketball">Basketball</category></item><item><title>Sports: Oversensitive Quarterback Reads Too Much Into Defense</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/oversensitive_quarterback?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[OMAHA, NE&mdash;Nebraska State coaches said quarterback Joshua Adams was reading far too much into the positioning and schemes of the opposing...]]></description><pubDate>Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:41:16 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/oversensitive_quarterback?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/QB.article.jpg" length="10647" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/QB.thumbnail_0.jpg" length="1521" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_NIB">Sports NIB</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: Early-Season NBA Power Rankings</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/early_season_nba_power?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[With the NBA season underway, scouts have made their first team rankings. Exhaustive capsule evaluations follow.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:44:24 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/early_season_nba_power?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Sportsgraphic-NBA.thumbnail.jpg" length="2559" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sportsgraphic">Sportsgraphic</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Basketball">Basketball</category></item><item><title>Sports: On Andre Agassi Admitting He Used Crystal Meth </title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_andre_agassi_admitting_he?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:04:15 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_andre_agassi_admitting_he?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/tennis">tennis</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_Fan">Sports Fan</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: New York Marathon Winner Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Horse</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_york_marathon_winner_tests?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[NEW YORK&mdash;Officials from New York Road Runners stripped American Meb Keflezighi of his 2009 ING New York City Marathon victory Wednesday after a blood sample taken from his fetlock was found to contain high levels of performance-enhancing horse.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:00:51 -0500</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_york_marathon_winner_tests?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/TS-Marathon-Winner-article_large.article.jpg" length="11460" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/TS-Marathon-Winner-article_large.thumbnail.jpg" length="2277" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Other_Sports">Other Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: On Steve Phillips' affair with an ESPN production assistant</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_steve_phillips_affair?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:15:05 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_steve_phillips_affair?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_Culture">Sports Culture</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_Fan">Sports Fan</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: Pros And Cons Of An NFL Franchise In London</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/pros_and_cons_of_an_nfl?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[An American football team in London would offer unique opportunities but not without posing singular problems. We list the most prominent of both.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:10:40 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/pros_and_cons_of_an_nfl?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/London.thumbnail_0.jpg" length="6624" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sportsgraphic">Sportsgraphic</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: Phillies Hope To End 364-Day World Series Drought</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/phillies_hope_to_end_364_day_world?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[PHILADELPHIA&mdash;The last time the Philadelphia Phillies brought a World Series title back to the City of Brotherly Love, the nation's financial sector was in complete ruin, the cost of a gallon of milk was only $2.74, fans watched the Fall...]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:00:55 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/phillies_hope_to_end_364_day_world?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Phillies-celebrating.article.jpg" length="9107" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Phillies-celebrating.thumbnail.jpg" length="1822" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category></item><item><title>Sports: Biggest Errors In MLB Postseason History</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/biggest_errors_in_mlb?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[Sloppy play has led to a number of charged errors during the 2009 MLB playoffs. <i>Onion</i> Sports examines the long, storied tradition of postseason errors]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 22 Oct 2009 09:14:37 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/biggest_errors_in_mlb?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Chase-Utley.thumbnail_0.jpg" length="1399" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sportsgraphic">Sportsgraphic</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category></item><item><title>Sports: On Pedro Martinez's seven shutout innings in the NLCS</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_pedro_martinezs_seven?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 22 Oct 2009 09:00:27 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_pedro_martinezs_seven?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_Fan">Sports Fan</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: A-Rod Can't Wait To Someday Tell Estranged Grandchildren About 2009 Postseason</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/a_rod_cant_wait_to_someday_tell?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[NEW YORK&mdash;Alex Rodriguez continued his dream postseason Saturday by hitting the tying home run in Game 2 of the American League Championship Series, a feat he hopes to reminisce about one day with his countless estranged grandchildren.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 22 Oct 2009 09:00:21 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/a_rod_cant_wait_to_someday_tell?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Alex-Rodriguez.article_0.jpg" length="68496" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Alex-Rodriguez.thumbnail_0.jpg" length="6885" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category></item><item><title>Sports: Raiders Achieve First Down</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/raiders_achieve_first_down?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ&mdash;In an improbable display of competence and a basic execution of football fundamentals, the Oakland Raiders stunned the football world Sunday when running back Michael Bush miraculously rushed for three yards against the Giants and succeeded in converting a first down.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 15 Oct 2009 09:00:21 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/raiders_achieve_first_down?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Bush.article_0.jpg" length="13184" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Bush.thumbnail_0.jpg" length="4981" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: ESPN Completely Misses Brett Favre Vs. Green Bay Packers Storyline</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/espn_completely_misses_brett_favre?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[BRISTOL, CT&mdash;In what is being called the biggest gaffe in the sports network's 30-year history, ESPN totally forgot to cover last week's Brett Favre vs. Green Bay Packers storyline.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:00:28 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/espn_completely_misses_brett_favre?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Berman.article.jpg" length="10012" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Berman.thumbnail.jpg" length="2474" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: Michael Vick Fails To Inspire Team With 'Great' Dogfighting Story</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/michael_vick_fails_to_inspire_team?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[PHILADELPHIA&mdash;Michael Vick's pregame pep talk Sunday, in which he recounted the events of a brutal 2004 dogfight between his pit bull terrier Zebro and rival pit bull Maniac, failed to inspire his teammates in any way whatsoever, Eagles team sources reported.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 01 Oct 2009 09:00:58 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/michael_vick_fails_to_inspire_team?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Vick.article_0.jpg" length="7430" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Vick.thumbnail_2.jpg" length="2777" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: Dallas Cowboys Release Jerry Jones</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dallas_cowboys_release_jerry_jones?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[IRVING, TEXAS&mdash;In an attempt to cut the franchise's losses and "move forward in a positive direction," the Dallas Cowboys severed ties with controversial owner Jerry Jones Monday, ending their tumultuous 20-year relationship with the divisive figure.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 24 Sep 2009 09:00:06 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dallas_cowboys_release_jerry_jones?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Jerry-Jones.article.jpg" length="6531" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Jerry-Jones.thumbnail.jpg" length="1736" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Football">Football</category></item><item><title>Sports: Derek Jeter Honored For Having Fewer Hits Than Harold Baines</title><link>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/derek_jeter_honored_for_having?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</link><description><![CDATA[NEW YORK&mdash;Following Derek Jeter's 2,722nd career hit Friday, Yankee fans and teammates took a moment to honor the all-star shortstop for having 144 fewer hits than former journeyman designated hitter Harold Baines.]]></description><pubDate>Thu, 17 Sep 2009 09:00:06 -0400</pubDate><guid>http://www.theonion.com/content/news/derek_jeter_honored_for_having?utm_source=onion_sports_rss</guid><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Jeter.thumbnail_0.jpg" length="1675" type="image/jpeg"/><enclosure url="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/TS-Jeter-article.article.jpg" length="15528" type="image/jpeg"/><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports">Sports</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Sports_News">Sports News</category><category domain="http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy/tag/Baseball">Baseball</category></item></channel></rss>