60http://tv.theonion.com/en-us2009 The Onion, Inc.The Onion News Network is the 24-hour cable TV news choice for billions of viewers in 811 countries. Now the hard-hitting, award-winning news you need is available anytime and anywhere you want. Subscribe and watch right now.http://www.theonion.com/content/video/boy_finds_own_real_life_e_t11 year old Thomas Demming visits Today NOW! with the magical friend he hid for weeks in his bedroom closet.Movies, Children, Today Now, LocalToday NowThu, 19 Nov 2009 11:00:36 -0500http://www.theonion.com/content/video/boy_finds_own_real_life_e_t99276http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obamas_home_teleprompterOfficials say the President's home teleprompter is simply a tool to make sure pillow talk with Michelle or conversations with his Mother-In-Law go smoothly.Politics, News Room, Barack ObamaNews RoomMon, 16 Nov 2009 16:58:00 -0500http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obamas_home_teleprompter99262http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfareDesigners say the new game explores the endless paperwork, routine patrolling a modern day soldier endures in photorealistic detail.Science & Technology, News Room, Military, War, Video GamesNews RoomTue, 10 Nov 2009 00:00:38 -0500http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfare99070http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ford_unveils_new_car_for_cashFord says the '93 Taurus is the only car to drive in 2010, and they think Americans will have no other choice but to agree.Business, ospan, AutomotiveospanThu, 05 Nov 2009 11:00:00 -0500http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ford_unveils_new_car_for_cash98976http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accidentAn honors student died in the crash today, leaving the nation to wonder why the grisly experience of burning alive was not reserved for Glenn Beck.Politics, News RoomNews RoomMon, 02 Nov 2009 18:00:27 -0500http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident98957http://www.theonion.com/content/video/fatal_staples_center_collapsePeople are breathing a sigh of relief today for the long-suffering spectators' sudden deaths, and for the total elimination of the Clippers' roster off the face of the earth.Sports, BasketballSportsThu, 29 Oct 2009 05:00:50 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/fatal_staples_center_collapse98860http://www.theonion.com/content/video/how_to_find_a_masculine_halloweenExpert stops by Today NOW! to show parents of girly sons costume tips to survive Halloween without accentuating their child's obvious homosexuality.Local, Today Now, Gay & Lesbian, ChildrenToday NowTue, 27 Oct 2009 05:23:11 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/how_to_find_a_masculine_halloween98853http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gaffe_prone_biden_embarrassesIn The Know panelists call Biden's decision to sneeze in the middle of a high level policy meeting 'disgusting' and 'completely inappropriate.'Politics, In The Know, Joseph Biden, Barack ObamaIn The KnowWed, 21 Oct 2009 10:30:55 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gaffe_prone_biden_embarrasses98733http://www.theonion.com/content/video/bad_boy_fencing_star_implicatedSteam Room analysts debate whether the International Fencing Federation should rein in this rogue, or if De La Croix will narrowly escape yet again.SportsSportsMon, 19 Oct 2009 19:19:14 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/bad_boy_fencing_star_implicated98725http://www.theonion.com/content/video/stalker_financial_expert_offersDan Kellogg visits Today NOW! with money tips for one particular woman who forgot to close her bedroom drapes last night.Business, Today Now, recession, EconomyToday NowThu, 15 Oct 2009 11:00:16 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/stalker_financial_expert_offers98625http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_to_enter_diplomatic_talksWhite House officials are confident the President will be able to convince the wildfire to stop incinerating large swaths of land and American homes.Politics, News Room, Natural Disasters, Barack ObamaNews RoomTue, 13 Oct 2009 07:38:24 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_to_enter_diplomatic_talks98611http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_anti_smoking_ads_warn_teensThe CDC's new anti-smoking campaign effectively reaches teens with a simple message: if you smoke, people are going to know you're totally crazy for butt sex.Business, Today Now, Health, teens, Gay & LesbianToday NowMon, 05 Oct 2009 18:00:29 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_anti_smoking_ads_warn_teens98326http://www.theonion.com/content/video/poll_happy_healthy_obamas_out_ofPanelists discuss whether Obama's openly loving family is a slap in the face to the average American who only bears feelings of resentment towards relatives.Politics, In The Know, Barack ObamaIn The KnowThu, 01 Oct 2009 13:00:59 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/poll_happy_healthy_obamas_out_of98269http://www.theonion.com/content/video/crime_reporter_finds_way_ofOn Raw Justice, host Dean Reid investigates the closed case of an 'accidental' fire and finds shocking new evidence of sexually motivated arson.Local, News RoomNews RoomMon, 28 Sep 2009 18:02:46 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/crime_reporter_finds_way_of98186http://www.theonion.com/content/video/little_boy_heroically_shoots8 year old Lucas Armitage has become a national hero after bravely defending his home by shooting a burglar multiple times in the chest and neck.Local, Today Now, violence, Children, DeathToday NowWed, 23 Sep 2009 19:30:44 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/little_boy_heroically_shoots98123http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_bat_loose_inCongress is deadlocked on the best way to get a bat out of their committee chamber.Politics, ospan, CongressospanMon, 21 Sep 2009 16:20:58 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_bat_loose_in98067http://www.theonion.com/content/video/report_growing_ranks_of_nouveauAs Americans rush to join the Nouveau Poor, panelists debate whether the newly poor are capable of integrating with long established poor families from old poverty roots.Business, In The Know, recession, Jobs, EconomyIn The KnowThu, 17 Sep 2009 11:00:07 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/report_growing_ranks_of_nouveau98013http://www.theonion.com/content/video/u_s_condemned_for_pre_emptive_useInnocent civilians across the impact zone are picking up the pieces after Secretary of State Clinton's tedious visits to their farms, cultural centers.Politics, News Room, HIllary ClintonNews RoomMon, 14 Sep 2009 20:00:11 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/u_s_condemned_for_pre_emptive_use97956http://www.theonion.com/content/video/americans_observing_9_11_byAmericans say attending a 911 vigil or observing a moment of silence to only then come home to jerk off is disrespectful and wrong.Politics, News RoomNews RoomThu, 10 Sep 2009 11:00:01 -0400http://www.theonion.com/content/video/americans_observing_9_11_by97860