Low Voter Turnout Blamed On Election-Day Zombie Attacks
WASHINGTON, DC—Political observers expressed disappointment over Tuesday's low voter turnout, citing a rash of election-day attacks by cannibalistic, reanimated corpses of the recently deceased—flesh-eating zombies from beyond the grave!
"Everything is under control," Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich said at an emergency joint session of Congress. "National Guardsmen have been dispatched to problem areas, and I am fully confident in th...
