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February 5, 1997 - February 11, 1997 | Issue 31•04

Larry Flynt Has Sex With Own Mother In Outhouse

KNOB CREEK, KY—In an incident that has shocked and repulsed even the most fervent free-expression advocates, controversial Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt had sexual intercourse with his own mother in an outhouse Monday. According to reports, not only did Flynt place his mother "face-first in an outhouse shit-hole" near Flynt's poverty-stricken, white...

Amnesty International Demands Gentler Soap For Indonesian Political Prisoner

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News

EAST TIMOR—Human-rights activists say that regular soaps can leave Sampit Ujungpandang's skin feeling dry and flaky. more»
Mothership Accidentally Descends On Hootie Concert

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News

ROSEMONT, IL—Confusion and awkwardness resulted Monday when the P-Funk Mothership, outer-space chariot of Dr. Funkenstein and the Star Child,... more»
New Remote Control Can Be Operated By Remote

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News

TOKYO—Television watching became even more convenient this week with Sony's introduction of a new remote-controlled remote control. more»
Beloved Minister Dies Just As He Lived—Of A Heart Attack

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News

SHADY CORNERS, VT—The people of Shady Corners (pop. 712), a sleepy little town near the Vermont-New Hampshire border, came out in full force Sunday... more»
Entertainment Tonight Host 'Can't Wait' To See New Paramount Pictures Release

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News In Brief

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Bob Goen, co-host of Paramount Television's popular Entertainment Tonight program told co-host Mary Hart on air Monday that he... more»
Area Man Has Shitty Fuckin' Job

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News In Brief

CLEVELAND, OH—Cleveland-area resident Douglas Torricelli, 34, announced Monday that his full-time job with Seifert's Cement and Gravel, which he... more»
Russians To Build, Tear Down Statue

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News In Brief

ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA—In a move certain to maintain instability in Russia, citizens of St. Petersburg unveiled plans at an anti-Yeltsin rally... more»
Madeline Albright Sworn In As Secretary

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In a special ceremony at the White House Monday, Madeline Albright was sworn in as the nation's 43rd U.S. Secretary, the highest... more»
Jawa Appointed Secretary Of Transportation

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News In Photos
Terminally Ill Serpent Renounces Symbolic Ties With Evil

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News In Photos
Parents Fight To Remove Cartoon Characters From Industrial Solvents

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News In Photos
Area Juggler Juggles Family, Juggling

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | News In Photos
Heads Need To Be Cracked In!

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | Commentary

I know I speak for every organism that has ever existed on the planet when I say that heads need to be cracked in, fast. Cracking people's fucking... more»
I Miss My Old Sled

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | Columnists

I have been informed that winter has been upon us for a good month now. It is during this long season that my thoughts invariably turn to my... more»
If You're Hiring, I Need A Job, And I Don't Mean Maybe

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | Columnists

Hola amigos. How's your bacon shakin'? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've had the weight of the world resting on my... more»
Point/Counterpoint: Point/Counterpoint: You The Man vs. No, You The Man

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | Point-Counterpoint

You the man, know what I'm sayin'? You the man! You it, baby. Ain't nobody else. Nobody. more»
Horoscope for the week of February 5, 1997

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | Horoscopes

Your enjoyment of a Vancouver Canucks hockey game will be spoiled when the stadium organist tries to seduce you by repeatedly mentioning that he is... more»
Day Care Dilemma

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | Infographic

With single parent and two parent working families on the rise, how are Americans dealing with the problem of day care? more»
Scientologists In Germany

issue 3104 | 02.05.97 | What Do You Think?

The German government recently issued a series of crackdowns against members of the Church of Scientology, sparking numerous protests by big-name... more»