Celebrating 10 Years Online

THE ONION DISPATCH

DAILY
WEEKLY

More Newsletters

PERSONAL OF THE DAY



What Do You Think?

Organ-Transplant Prioritization

Congress recently reformed organ-transplant waiting-list laws, giving priority to the person most in need instead of the person geographically closest to the available organ. What do you think about the controversy over how to distribute life-saving organs?


Onion Tips

Summer Slim-Down Tips

It's hard to believe, but in just a few short months, it'll be time to put on that dreaded bathing suit. Here are some tips to help you shed those winter pounds and look great on the beach all summer long.


Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Aries: A dark, mysterious stranger will enter your life and engage you in a brief, torrid romance before gaining 300 pounds and succumbing to heroin addiction.

From Our Sponsors

From the Archives

Bush Quietly Rolls Back Iraq Death Toll To Zero

July 18, 2006 | Issue 42•29

Gay Couple Feels Pressured To Marry

June 2, 2004 | Issue 40•22

Starving, Bandaged Bin Laden Offers U.S. One Last Chance To Surrender

December 12, 2001 | Issue 37•45

Business-Card Drawing For Free Sandwich Mired In Scandal

September 13, 2000 | Issue 36•32

Hubble Space Telescope Finds Men From Venus, Women From Mars

January 22, 1997 | Issue 31•02

© Copyright 2008, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
Powered By Rackspace