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State Department To Hold Enemy Tryouts Next Week

enemy tryouts WASHINGTON, DC–Taking steps to fill the void that has plagued the American military-industrial complex since the 1991 collapse of the Soviet Union, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright announced Tuesday that the U.S. will hold enemy tryouts next week.

Slated to begin Oct. 26, the tryouts will take place at the Pentagon. More than 40 nations are expected to vie for the role of U.S. adversary, including India, Afghanistan, China, North Korea and Sudan.

"Over the past...

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What Do You Think?

The Tyson Reinstatement

Last week, a team of psychologists declared boxer Mike Tyson–suspended by the Nevada State Athletic Commission last year for biting off a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear–"troubled" but fit to fight. What do you think about Tyson's bid for reinstatement?


Onion Tips

Wedding-Planning Tips

A wedding is a magical event, but planning one can be loaded with potential pitfalls. Here are some helpful tips to make sure that special day is perfect in every way.


Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Libra: You will meet someone special this week, someone who makes you feel as if you will burst with love. When you finally do, dozens perish in the ensuing flames.

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Broadway's Back

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From the Archives

Saturn Probe To Be Biggest Story Of The Year

December 28, 2005 | Issue 41•52

Workout Routine Broken Down For Coworker

November 3, 2004 | Issue 40•44

Comeback Much Harsher Than Insult

January 30, 2002 | Issue 38•03

America A Fascist Police State, Stoned Underage Drunk Driver Charges

May 30, 2001 | Issue 37•20

Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven In Abortion-Clinic Attack

November 25, 1998 | Issue 34•17

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