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October 6, 1999 - October 12, 1999 | Issue 35•36

Area Man Had No Idea There Was So Much To Know About Buying A Sofa

HIGH POINT, NC—After spending more than three hours hearing about the world of choices available for his comfort, convenience and satisfaction as a new couch owner, area home-furnishings shopper Lee Rothamer admitted Monday that he had no idea there was so much to know about buying a sofa. "I always thought that once I'd decided which color I wanted, that would be...

New E-Toilet To Revolutionize Online Shitting

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News

PALO ALTO, CA—In a revolutionary breakthrough with the potential to forever alter the way humans defecate, Palo Alto-based Internet company Ascent... more»
Local Newscaster Enjoys Celebrity Status At Charity Fun Run

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News

WAUWATONKA, WI—Local newscaster Randall "Herch" Herchwick is no stranger to the spotlight. As a member of WTNK's award-winning Channel 15 Action... more»
Congress Passes 'America Is #1' Bill

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—In yet another victory for America, the bill that makes its greatness official passed Congress Monday. more»
Area Bar Used To Be Cool; Now Lame

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News In Brief

EAST LANSING, MI—Michigan State University seniors reported Tuesday that Sparty's Tavern, once the coolest bar in East Lansing, has deteriorated... more»
Local Man Casually Mentions Upcoming Birthday

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News In Brief

DURANGO, CO—Awareness of Donald Shrifkin's upcoming birthday was raised among his co-workers Monday, when the soon-to-be 38-year-old casually... more»
CNN To Get All Information From In-House Channel 'CNN-CNN'

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News In Brief

ATLANTA—In a telejournalism first, CNN announced Monday that from now on, all of its information will come from its own 24-hour, closed-circuit... more»
Rookie Cop Laying On The Jargon A Little Thick

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News In Brief

CHICAGO—Four days after joining the Chicago Police Department, Officer Patrick Finley of the 18th Precinct is laying on the jargon a little thick,... more»
Cher's 'Believe' Now Faintly Audible Everywhere In America

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News In Brief

GREAT SALT LAKE DESERT, UT—Building upon its presence in every health club, supermarket, bank, clothing store and waiting room in the U.S., Cher's... more»
Christianity: Is Your Family At Risk?

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News In Photos
Grown Man Purchases 37th Sailor Moon Figurine

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | News In Photos
It's Nice To Feel Wanted For The Murder Of Three Local Children

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | Commentary

It sure has been nice to get all this special attention these last couple of weeks. I have to admit, I'd pretty much been cut off from society for a... more»
A Mistress Of The Mails

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | Columnists

Several weeks ago, I received this note in the morning mails: more»
Horoscope for the week of October 6, 1999

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | Horoscopes

Try to exercise a little diplomacy this week, as you are the U.S. ambassador to Namibia. more»
Wild About Harry

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | Infographic

Occupying the top three spots on The New York Times bestseller list and boasting more than five million copies in print, the Harry... more»
Top 20th Century Genocides

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | Statshot
Reform Party Follies

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | What Do You Think?

Among the names being thrown around as potential Reform Party presidential candidates for 2000 are Jesse Ventura, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, Cybill... more»
Earthquake Safety Tips

issue 3536 | 10.06.99 | Tips

Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to... more»