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May 10, 2000 - May 16, 2000 | Issue 36•17

Local Hipster Over-Explaining Why He Was At The Mall

LOUISVILLE, KY–Anders Larsen, known within Louisville hipster circles as the bassist for Superfly Snuka and a contributing music reviewer for the underground 'zine Gun Shy, spent several hours Monday over-explaining why he was at Jefferson Mall over the weekend. "You know I normally wouldn't be caught dead in some corporate suburban hellhole like that," the...

450,000 Unsold Earth Day Issues Of Time Trucked To Landfill

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News

STATEN ISLAND, NY–An estimated 450,000 unsold copies of Time's special April 22 Earth Day issue were trucked Monday from the magazine's New... more»
Gore Camp Denies Putting Bush Camp's Canoe In Treetop

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–At a press conference Monday, Gore-camp spokespersons staunchly denied charges of sneaking into the Bush camp, stealing a canoe, and... more»
Man, Woman Refuse To Lower Standards For Each Other

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News

MUSKEGON, MI–Despite the urgings of friends and coworkers, Eileen MacKay and Doug Traschel refuse to lower their standards enough to date each... more»
Cashier Allows Line-Cutting To Go Unpunished

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News In Brief

CHANDLER, AZ–Cashier Wendy Kile, 20, allowed a blatant case of line-cutting to go unpunished Monday at the Billings Road Safeway. "I was waiting in... more»
Congress Votes To Intervene In Local Wedding

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC–The U.S. Senate voted 64-30 Monday to obstruct next Sunday's marriage of Phoenix's Todd Wexler and Marisa Park. "It is clear to this... more»
Man Paid More Than Enough To Put Up With This Shit

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News In Brief

NEW YORK–Porter Novelli public-relations executive Randy Schad, who works directly under megalomaniacal bastard Rich Frankel, is earning more than... more»
Civil Unrest In Sierra Leone Concerns NPR Listener

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News In Brief

HANOVER, NH–A National Public Radio report on a rebel insurrection in the West African nation of Sierra Leone deeply concerned Hanover-area... more»
Diet Candy's Aftertaste Experienced 12 Years Later

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News In Brief

PIKESVILLE, MD–The aftertaste of a sugar-free, strawberry-flavored hard candy eaten by Stephanie Wickes in 1988 was detected Monday by the... more»
Singles Bar Contains Single Woman

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News In Brief

CLEARWATER, FL–J.P. McQuade's, a popular Clearwater-area singles bar, contained a single woman Saturday night. "Talk about a sausage-fest," said... more»
Ann Landers' Advice Arrives 11 Weeks Too Late

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News In Photos
Used-Bookstore Owner Rises From Chair

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | News In Photos
Barryploegel.com Will Never Be Accused Of Having Too Little Information About Barry Ploegel

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | Commentary

Well, it's been a long, grueling weekend of HTML coding, but at long last, www.barryploegel.com is finally ready for its auspicious launch. In a... more»
Save The Soft-Wares

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | Columnists

I hear that the tyrants in Washington are proposing than an enormous soft-wares and computing monopoly be broken up. The ladies must be... more»
Darva's Baring Her Congers In Playboy!

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | Columnists

Item! Would-be millionaire-marryer Darva Conger is going to be taking it all off in an upcoming issue of Playboy! I have it on... more»
Horoscope for the week of May 10, 2000

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | Horoscopes

The opening of your soul's mystic Third Eye will be accompanied by the sprouting of your head's fourth through eleventh eyes. more»
The Friends Stand-Off

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | Infographic

The six Friends starts are threatening to quit he show if each does not receive $1 million per episode. What else are they demanding? more»
Who's Being Menaced By Elves?

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | Statshot
Vieques And The U.S. Navy

issue 3617 | 05.10.00 | What Do You Think?

On May 5, federal agents removed 216 protesters who had been occupying a Vieques Island bombing range used for target practice by the U.S. Navy. What... more»