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August 23, 2000 - August 29, 2000 | Issue 36•29

Search For Area Shoney's Intensifies

FAYETTEVILLE, NC–Tensions continued to run high throughout area resident Martin Hilbert's car Sunday, as the search for a local Shoney's restaurant intensified despite little to no sign of progress. Roaming the streets of Fayetteville in a '92 Mercury Sable station wagon, the search team–made up of three middle-aged couples looking for a quick bite to eat following...

Nevada Gaming Commission Lobbies Congress For Just $20 Million 'Til Friday

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–Characterizing its financial woes as "nothing too serious, just the kind of setback everybody has now and then," the Nevada Gaming... more»
Science Guy Bill Nye Killed In Massive Vinegar/Baking-Soda Explosion

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News

SEATTLE–In a shocking, educational tragedy, PBS television host and science guy William "Bill" Nye was killed Monday in a massive... more»
Improved Communication Ruins Marriage

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News

SANDY SPRINGS, GA–At the urging of loved ones and their marital counselor, struggling couple David and Joanne Hebner recently opened the channels... more»
Critics Accuse New Movie Of Glorifying Sex

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News In Brief

HOLLYWOOD, CA–The Five Senses, a new film from Fine Line Features starring Mary-Louise Parker and Philippe Volter, is drawing fire from... more»
Husband Points Out That He Vacuumed

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News In Brief

BOISE, ID–Area husband Will Grantham, proud of his contribution to the household chores, made special note to his wife Monday that he vacuumed the... more»
Area Organization Pro-White, Ain't Anti-Nobody

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News In Brief

WAYCROSS, GA–The International Knights Of The White Race, a Waycross-based "Caucasian advocacy" group, is about celebratin' one's own whiteness and... more»
Man Insists On Calling Fanny Pack 'Lumbar Satchel'

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News In Brief

LORAIN, OH–According to coworkers, Novitech systems administrator Ted Shiner insists on referring to his fanny pack as a "lumbar satchel." "I asked... more»
Scientists Put Sleep-Inducing Power Of Agribusiness Today Into Pill

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News In Brief

INDIANAPOLIS–At a press conference Monday, pharmaceutical giant Eli Lilly unveiled Agritol, a new over-the-counter sedative with the sleep-inducing... more»
Millions Participate In Cuban Version Of Survivor

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News In Brief

HAVANA, CUBA–Inspired by the hit CBS show Survivor, Cuba's 11 million citizens are participating in their own version of the popular... more»
Area Man Has Asshole, Old Navy Written All Over Him

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News In Photos
Nursing-Home Resident Receives $5.25 Worth Of Care Per Hour

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | News In Photos
When I Put Something In Italics, I Mean It

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | Commentary

I've been office manager at Johnson Railing Supply, central Missouri's largest wholesaler of rails, for more than seven years. And in that time, I've... more»
Roach Motel

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | Columnists

As my more astute readers will no doubt recall, about three weeks back, I was mysteriously transformed into a gigantic cock-roach. Though the change... more»
Nigeria May Be A Developing Nation, But It Is Rich In Culture vs. Get Me Out Of This Godforsaken Hellhole

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | Point-Counterpoint

Ever since taking West African History 201, I've been fascinated by the rich cultural tapestry that is Nigeria. Professor Olson really opened my eyes... more»
Horoscope for the week of August 23, 2000

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | Horoscopes

Stop complaining that no one cares if you live or die. It's only half true. more»
Cell-Phone Safety

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | Infographic

Cell-phone use in automobiles is a growing problem, with more and more accidents involving distracted drivers. What is the government doing to combat... more»
Least-Used Kitchen Appliances

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | Statshot
High-School Drug Testing

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | What Do You Think?

A Texas high school is under fire for a plan to subject students to random drug tests. What do you think of the idea of high-school drug tests? more»
Lawn-And-Garden Tips

issue 3629 | 08.23.00 | Tips

For homeowners, few things are more satisfying than a beautiful lawn and garden. Here are some tips to help you improve yours: more»