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September 20, 2000 - September 26, 2000 | Issue 36•33

Area Boyfriend Keeps Bringing Up Scrabble Victory

PLYMOUTH, NH–Evan Riedel has made reference to his Sept. 6 Scrabble victory over girlfriend Amy Vanderploeg "about 200 friggin' times" in the days since, Vanderploeg reported Monday. "Evan will not let that Scrabble game drop," Vanderploeg, 23, said. "Constantly, he'll say stuff like, 'Do you need help reading that magazine article? I know your vocabulary isn't the...

Rare Disease Nabs Big-Time Celebrity Spokesman

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News

BALTIMORE–Flehner-Lathrop Syndrome Foundation officials excitedly announced Monday that actor Ted Danson has been diagnosed with the rare, deadly... more»
Performance Artist Shocks U.S. Out Of Apathetic Stupor

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News

SAN FRANCISCO–The American consumer populace, long decried by members of the artistic and academic avant-garde as "TV Guide-swilling... more»
Internet Friend Gradually Getting Creepier

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News

DEDHAM, MA–According to Boston-area America Online user Josh Reuss, an Internet friendship between himself and Larry Vliet of Socorro, NM, is... more»
Slow-Motion Woman Emerges Glistening From Pool

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES–An unidentified woman in her early 20s emerged from a large, backlit swimming pool at approximately one-third normal speed Monday.... more»
Everything You Worked So Hard For Lying in Splinters At Your Feet

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News In Brief

DURHAM, NC–According to a Duke University report released Monday, all of your hopes and dreams are no more than splinters at your feet, swept away... more»
New Hyundai Owner Sort Of Brags About it To Co-Workers

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News In Brief

LODI, OH–Days after buying a brand-new 2001 Hyundai Excel, accountant Dale Grich kind of half-lorded the acquisition over his moderately impressed... more»
Report: North Dakota Leads Nation In Parking Availability

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News In Brief

BISMARCK, ND–According to the latest issue of U.S. News & World Report, for the 27th straight year, North Dakota leads the nation in parking... more»
William Safire Orders Two Whoppers Junior

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News In Brief

NEW YORK–Stopping for lunch at a Manhattan Burger King, New York Times 'On Language' columnist William Safire ordered two "Whoppers Junior"... more»
Media Suffering Through Record Normal Temperatures

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News In Brief

KNOXVILLE, TN–Across the U.S., the news media are coping with another week of cripplingly typical temperatures. "It's awful," said Jim Moore,... more»
NRA Lobby Warns Congress Not To Try Anything Stupid

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News In Photos
Wall Street Journal Lays Off 150 Stipple-Portrait Artists

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | News In Photos
My Moroccan Neighbors Won't Stop Their Damn Ululating

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | Commentary

Well, there goes the neighborhood. Last week, the moving van pulls up to the Petersens' old house and--yup, you guessed it--a bunch of Moroccans move... more»
I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not The Fishing-Tackle Serial Killer

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | Commentary

Well, I see by the TV that the Fishing-Tackle Serial Killer has struck again. Apparently, this time, he used a spin-casting technique to lay a... more»
Baby's First Zweibelmas

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | Columnists

Rare it is that I call upon my ignorant reader-ship to rejoice and be merry, but I am afraid that just such an occasion is almost upon us. Zweibelmas... more»
Horoscope for the week of September 20, 2000

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | Horoscopes

When you get up tomorrow morning, ask yourself if you really want to throw yourself into the engine of a moving 747. The answer may surprise you. more»
Bobby Knight Through The Years

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | Infographic

Fired Sept. 10, Bobby Knight has been involved in his share of incidents during his 30 years as Indiana University basketball coach. Among the... more»
Why Do We Hate Andrew J. Wollensky's Fucking Guts?

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | Statshot
Washington vs. Hollywood

issue 3633 | 09.20.00 | What Do You Think?

In recent weeks, both George W. Bush and Al Gore have stepped up their attacks against the entertainment industry for marketing violent and sexual... more»