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November 1, 2000 - November 7, 2000 | Issue 36•39

Mall Security All Up In Girl's Face

FORT WAYNE, IN–Despite the fact that she wasn't doing nothing wrong, Northwood Mall security got all up in local 16-year-old Katrina Cuellar's face Monday. , and this security guy gets all up in my face and is like, 'Hey, you–you're being too loud! And clean up...

Nation Fills Up On Bread

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–Despite repeated warnings from federal officials not to eat too much before their entree arrives, an alarming 89 percent of U.S.... more»
Howard Stern Organizes Women's Health Symposium

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News

NEW YORK–Citing his "responsibility as a public figure to the betterment of the community" and his "longstanding commitment to issues of concern to... more»
Something Weird Going On In That Montessori School, Neighbor Reports

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News

ALLEGHENY CITY, PA—Martin Kramarczyk wouldn’t be surprised if the FBI came down and busted the school for some kind of kinky, perverted stuff. more»
Candidate Delighted To Be In Chair Factory

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News In Brief

LAUREL, DE– During a campaign stop Monday, Republican U.S. Senate candidate and former Delaware attorney general Don Stenberg expressed great... more»
Awful Show A Repeat Again

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News In Brief

PRESCOTT, AZ– According to local TV viewer Randy Bolz, Monday's episode of the "absolutely awful" CBS show The King Of Queens was a repeat... more»
No Clear Winner In Feces-Throwing Conflict

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News In Brief

TABORA, TANZANIA– After several hours of fierce feces-slinging from both sides, no clear winner emerged Tuesday in the conflict between Tabora-area... more»
You The Newest Subsidiary Of Kraft Foods

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News In Brief

NORTHFIELD, IL– In the company's latest acquisition, Kraft Foods announced Monday that it has gained a controlling interest in you for an estimated... more»
Captain Kirk's Life Flashes Before Dying Trekkie's Eyes

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News In Brief

MILFORD, CT– Moments before dying, car-accident victim and hardcore Star Trek fan Glenn Schaefer saw Captain James T. Kirk's life flash before his... more»
Man Breaks Out Dating Boxers

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News In Brief

SUFFOLK, VA– Having secured a date for the first time in seven months, area resident Andrew Agee removed his dating boxers from the bottom of his... more»
Harvey Korman Cracks Up Denny's Waitress

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News In Photos
Clinton Goes Back In Time, Teams Up With Golden-Age Clinton

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | News In Photos
I Must Take Issue With Entertainment Weekly's C-Plus Grade For The DVD Release Of The Patriot

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | Commentary

I usually enjoy Entertainment Weekly a great deal, devouring everything from Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet to the Gimme Shelter profiles of... more»
This Casino Is So Glamorous!

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | Commentary

Oh! Oh, my goodness! When Helen and Patty said they were going to take me to a casino, I thought it would be nice, but this is something else! I had... more»
The Peace Of The Womb

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | Columnists

As the publisher of the greatest news-paper the Republic has ever seen, I have not had a peace-ful existence. My thousand daily cares are like great... more»
Horoscope for the week of November 1, 2000

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | Horoscopes

No change for Aries this week, except for those who may be affected by bursting Brooklyn gas mains. more»
The XFL

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | Infographic

Last weekend, the inaugural player draft was held for the XFL, the new World Wrestling Federation-backed pro-football league. What are some of the... more»
Top-Selling PlayStation 2 Games

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | Statshot
Into The Home Stretch

issue 3639 | 11.01.00 | What Do You Think?

The presidential election is less than a week away, with polls indicating a virtual dead heat between Bush and Gore. What do you think? more»