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November 29, 2000 - December 5, 2000 | Issue 36•43

Third-Grader Awaits Lesson For Cursive G

GRAND RAPIDS, MI–Area third-grader Abigail Werner is anxiously awaiting the lesson for the cursive letter G, George Washington Carver Elementary School sources revealed Monday. "Abigail has come up to my desk five times in the past three days asking when we would be learning G," teacher Ellen Honig said. "I told her we'd probably get to it sometime next week, but...

Teen Exposed To Violence, Profanity, Adult Situations By Family

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News

BROWNSVILLE, TX—The home of 15-year-old Beth Arnott contains material unsuitable for those 16 and under. more»
Lab Rabbit Strongly Recommends Cover Girl Waterproof Mascara For Sensitive Eyes

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News

CINCINNATI—A 2-year-old lab rabbit gave his full endorsement to Cover Girl Long & Luscious mascara Monday. more»
Report: 98 Percent Of U.S. Commuters Favor Public Transportation For Others

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–A study released Monday by the American Public Transportation Association reveals that 98 percent of Americans support the use of... more»
Arsenio Hall Writers Still Keeping In Touch

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES– According to former Arsenio Hall Show head writer Garry Schenk, the writing staff of the 1989-94 late-night talk show still... more»
Death Results In Great Deal Of Paperwork

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News In Brief

FLAGSTAFF, AZ– The death of 88-year-old Bea Wexler resulted in a mountain of funeral, burial, and estate-settlement paperwork Monday. "Why now? We... more»
Food Critic's Wife Makes The Best Lasagna She Possibly Can

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News In Brief

CHARLOTTE, NC– Fran Greaves, wife of Charlotte Observer restaurant critic Paul Greaves, said Monday that she tries to make the best lasagna... more»
Employee Worries Coworker's Computer Screen May Be Larger

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News In Brief

DALLAS– Dan Pulsipher, a Java engineer with software developer Razornet Technologies, fretted Monday that the computer monitor of coworker Allen... more»
Hollywood Diet Secrets Fall Into Non-Celebrity Hands

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News In Brief

HOLLYWOOD– In a major Hollywood security leak, an Encino, CA, company has made "Weight-Loss Secrets Of The Stars" available to the non-famous.... more»
Man Who Threatened To Move To Canada Before Election Still Here

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News In Brief

CEDAR FALLS, IA– Despite repeated pre-election threats of expatriation, area resident Ron Glick remains a U.S. citizen, acquaintances of the... more»
Running Shoes Used Mainly For Computer Programming

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News In Photos
Another Fond Childhood Memory Destroyed

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | News In Photos
I Am Refreshingly Open About My Personal Life

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | Commentary

Some people never let you know the "real" them. They keep their deepest thoughts and emotions tucked away from the rest of the world. Why they would... more»
Mockery

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | Columnists

Hi, everybody! I'm T. Herman Zweibel! I'm old and stupid! I wet myself a lot! I live in a big, stupid mansion! Listen to me talk about a lot of old... more»
It'll Be A Blue Christmas Without Stuff

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | Columnists

You know that old Christmas carol that goes, "Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, please put a penny in the old man's hat"? Well, might I... more»
Horoscope for the week of November 29, 2000

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | Horoscopes

Be on your guard this Tuesday: It will feel suspiciously like a Thursday. more»
Seussmania

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | Infographic

This year has witnessed the opening of a Dr. Seuss theme park in Florida, debut of a Dr. Seuss Broadway musical, and the release of a movie version... more»
Top Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | Statshot
Abolish The Electoral College?

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | What Do You Think?

In light of the havoc it has wreaked this presidential election, many Americans are calling for an end to the electoral college. What do you... more»