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December 13, 2000 - December 19, 2000 | Issue 36•45

Man Feels Brief Sense Of Triumph After Completing Free-Frozen-Yogurt Punchcard

TRAVERSE CITY, MI–After nearly four months of dedicated frozen-yogurt consumption, Roy Kempner, 47, finally earned the 10th and final punch on his Creamy Pete's Preferred Customer Card Monday, giving him a faint sense of accomplishment. "Well, I guess I did it," said Kempner, holding aloft the completed punch card. "That'll be one free yogurt for me next...

Joe Eszterhas Brought In To Punch Up Senate Bill

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—To generate some buzz about S. 1792, the U.S. Senate brought in screenwriter Joe Eszterhas to ‘dial up’ the bill. more»
Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News

WINNEPESAUKEE, NY–A plucky band of colorful misfits from Camp Winnepesaukee proved no match for their spoiled rich-kid rivals Monday, when superior... more»
Web-Browser History A Chronicle Of Couple's Unspoken Desires

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News

VALLEJO, CA–The web-browser history on Allen and Christine Pollard's home iMac computer provides a comprehensive chronicle of the couple's deepest... more»
Direct Marketer Offended By Term 'Junk Mail'

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News In Brief

SPOKANE, WA– Dan Spengler, CEO of the direct-mail-marketing firm Mailbox Of Savings, took umbrage Monday at the use of the term "junk mail." "I'm... more»
Area Man Glad His Brother Is Giving Mom Grandkids

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News In Brief

ROME, GA– Area resident Larry Spoerl was thrilled to learn Monday that his brother's wife is pregnant, temporarily relieving him of the pressure to... more»
Plastic Bag Still Up In Tree

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News In Brief

BOISE, ID– Employees at Boise Mutual Insurance reported Monday that the red plastic shopping bag they first noticed Dec. 8 is still ensnared in the... more»
Naïve Detective Suspects Fair Play

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News In Brief

CHICAGO– Phil Kelly, a naïve detective with Chicago's 15th Precinct, suspected fair play Monday in the shooting death of local businessman Arnold... more»
Unkempt Japanese Man Must Be Some Sort Of Artist Or Something

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News In Brief

PITTSBURGH– After passing a haggard-looking Japanese man on the street Monday, area resident Gary Webber concluded that the guy must be some sort... more»
Consumer Confidence Verging On Cockiness

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News In Photos
Lab Partner Wants To Be Sex Partner

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | News In Photos
I Think I Would Make A Good Member Of A Large Crowd

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | Commentary

I'm not a loner, one of those people who prefers solitude and time to oneself. On the other hand, I really don't do well when I'm part of a group, as... more»
A Walk In The Woods

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | Columnists

Well, I must say, this is a surprise! My darling son N. Aeschylus has gently lifted me out of my death-bed and is carrying me down-stairs and across... more»
Horoscope for the week of December 13, 2000

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | Horoscopes

You will be crushed to learn that the Black Sabbath song is titled "Fairies Wear Boots," not "Aries" as you had long thought.... more»
Police-Recruitment Woes

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | Infographic

Across the nation, police departments are struggling to fill their ranks. What is being done to attract new recruits? more»
New Stereotypes For 2001

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | Statshot
Is Oral Sex Sex?

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | What Do You Think?

According to a recent USA Today cover story, oral sex is sharply on the rise among teenagers, many of whom do not consider it a form of sex.... more»
Etiquette Tips

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | Tips

In this modern world, good manners have become a lost art. Here are some tips to help you make the right impression in polite society: more»