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December 20, 2000 - December 26, 2000 | Issue 36•46

Critics Hail Porn Director's Debut As 'Shamelessly Masturbatory Male-Empowerment Fantasy'

LOS ANGELES–Across the nation, critics are unanimous in their praise of Brenda In The Ass 2: Butt Reams May Come, hailing the debut of porn director Ricky D'Alessandro as "the most exploitative, shamelessly masturbatory male-empowerment fantasy ever committed to video." "I've never seen such utterly depraved filmmaking," raved Kenneth Turan, film critic for the...

National Machete Association Speaks Out Against Machete-Control Legislation

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–Vowing to "vigilantly defend the Second Amendment and preserve our most basic civil liberties," the National Machete Association... more»
Ping-Pong Somehow Elicits Macho Posturing

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News

APPLETON, WI–The non-macho game of table tennis, popularly known as "ping-pong" for the bouncy little sound the ball makes, has somehow elicited... more»
Religious Cousin Ruins Family's Christmas

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News

MONTOURSVILLE, PA–The arrival of devout Christian cousin Barb Krueger has "for all practical purposes ruined" the Langan family's chances of having... more»
Real-Life Grinch Celebrates 'Hanukkah'

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News In Brief

FREDONIA, KS–A real-life Grinch was found Monday in Fredonia, where, unlike his fellow residents, Josh Baum refuses to celebrate Christmas. "I'm... more»
Broke Dad Makes Son PlayStation 2 For Christmas

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News In Brief

DAYTON, OH–Determined to make his son's Christmas dreams come true despite financial woes, David McManus spent three hours in his garage Monday... more»
Man Reading Pynchon On Bus Takes Pains To Make Cover Visible

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News In Brief

PHILADELPHIA–According to riders on the eastbound C bus, John Bolen, 23, made a conscious effort Monday to make the cover of Thomas Pynchon's... more»
Communists Now Least Threatening Group In U.S.

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC–According to a report released Tuesday by the Pentagon, Communists rank last on a list of 238 threats to national security.... more»
Letter From Employer Thankfully Omits Balls-Copying Incident

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News In Brief

SAN FRANCISCO–Randall Konerko, a 39-year-old database administrator looking for a new job in the field, was relieved to learn Monday that a letter... more»
Bush Calls For End To 'Era Of Political Argument'

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News In Brief

AUSTIN, TX–In a televised speech to the nation Monday, president-elect George W. Bush called for "an end to the era of political argument." "My... more»
Dorito-Factory Employee Can't Get Cool-Ranch Smell Out Of Clothes

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News In Photos

Dorito-Factory Employee Can't Get Cool-Ranch Smell Out Of Clothes more»
Diorama Of Rome Built In A Day

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | News In Photos
I Can't Believe You Blew My Perfect Feedback Rating

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | Commentary

Ever since I placed that very first "LOGAN'S RUN ORIGINAL JAPANESE MOVIE POSTER ***MINT***" for sale on eBay two and a half years ago, I've prided... more»
The Final Frontier

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | Columnists

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Standish and I are currently hurtling away from the Earth in a giant metal rocket-ship. It turns out... more»
Horoscope for the week of December 20, 2000

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | Horoscopes

The courts deny your request to change your name, forcing you to remain John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt for life. more»
Madonna's Wedding

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | Infographic

Later this month, Madonna and director Guy Ritchie will marry at a Scottish castle. Among the known details: more»
What Are Our New Year's Resolutions?

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | Statshot
The $252,000,000 Man

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | What Do You Think?

Last week, free-agent shortstop Alex Rodriguez signed the richest contract in sports history, a 10-year, $252 million deal with the Texas Rangers.... more»