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February 28, 2001 - March 6, 2001 | Issue 37•07

New Parents Desperately Seeking Other New Parents For Socializing

BETHESDA, MD–New parents David and Diane Huber, both 28, remain locked in a desperate search for other parents with whom they can talk exclusively about children, child-rearing, and their beautiful eight-month-old son Tyler, sources said Monday. Despite a few tentative signs of progress–including the discovery of a new-parent Internet bulletin board, a brief...

Supportive Gay Friend To Counsel American People On Ways Of Romance

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–Reeling from countless relationships gone awry, blind dates from hell, and one-night stands that were about one night too long, the... more»
Video-Game Violence Blamed In Giant-Robot Shooting Spree

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News

OLD MURAKUMO DOME, MARS–A concerned parents' group is blaming a tragic shooting in the Martian Colonies on "excessive and reprehensible video-game... more»
Beauty Of National Forest Enjoyed By Logger

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News

SAWTOOTH NATIONAL FOREST, ID–The rugged natural beauty of Idaho's Sawtooth National Forest was thoroughly enjoyed by logger Steve Orton Monday. more»
Menu Describes Diner's Pancakes As 'World Famous'

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News In Brief

FT. COLLINS, CO– A laminated paper menu for Smitty's Diner on Hwy. 32 describes the eatery's pancakes as "world famous," patron Annette Larouche... more»
Architect Asks Self How Le Corbusier Would Have Designed This Strip Mall

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News In Brief

TOPEKA, KS– Architect Curtis Winter, designer of the planned Fox Plaza strip mall in downtown Topeka, found himself wondering Monday how... more»
U.S. Changes Motto To 'America... We're Gonna Make Ya Smile'

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC– After a focus group determined "In God We Trust" to be "boring," the U.S. introduced a new motto Monday: "America... We're Gonna... more»
6-Year-Old Cries When Told MTM Productions Kitten Dead By Now

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News In Brief

RYE, NY– Following a WKRP In Cincinnati rerun Monday, 6-year-old Megan Connor was devastated to learn that the mewling orange kitten in the... more»
Bankrupt Dot-Com Proud To Have Briefly Changed The Way People Buy Cheese Graters

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News In Brief

SAN FRANCISCO– Egraters.com, an Internet retailer that filed for Chapter 11 last week, announced on its homepage Monday that it is proud to have... more»
Bush Seeking Non-Masturbating Surgeon General

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News In Photos
Area Man Participates In 21st-Century Cashless Economy

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | News In Photos
I Have Expensive Taste In Trucks

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | Commentary

Call me stuck-up. Call me a snob. That's fine with me. Because what you call snobbery, I call refusing to settle for anything less than the best.... more»
A Homey In Need

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | Columnists

All y'all disciples of tha H-Dog know that The Man always be tryin' to playa-hate on tha Accountz Reeceevable bruthahood, 24-7. On any given day in... more»
Horoscope for the week of February 28, 2001

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | Horoscopes

You will be surprised to learn that even refrigerators can burn if they manage to get hot enough. more»
A Spy At The FBI

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | Infographic

For 15 years, FBI agent Hanssen sold sensitive U.S. secrets to Moscow. Among the information he divulged over the years: more»
Where Are We Hiding Our Money?

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | Statshot
The Puff Daddy Trial

issue 3707 | 02.28.01 | What Do You Think?

Rapper Sean "Puffy" Combs is on trial for illegal gun possession and bribery stemming from a 1999 shooting at a Manhattan nightclub. What do... more»