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March 7, 2001 - March 13, 2001 | Issue 37•08

Sociologist Considers Own Behavior Indicative Of Larger Trends

BOSTON–According to the findings of a paper published Monday in The American Journal Of Sociology, the behaviors and experiences of Boston sociologist Dr. Stephen Piers are indicative of a host of wider societal trends. "My observations indicate that the typical married American man has had increasing difficulty relating to his spouse over the last two and a...

Vince McMahon's X-SPAN Promises Bone-Crunching Legislative Coverage

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–At a press conference Monday, pro-wrestling tycoon and entrepreneur Vince McMahon unveiled his latest broadcasting venture: X-SPAN,... more»
Twister Party Fails To Get Dirty

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News

LOUISVILLE, KY–Despite expectations that a group of adults playing the physically demanding Milton Bradley game would degenerate into a sexual... more»
Area Man Unsure What To Do With All The Extra Ketchup Packets

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News

ERIE, PA–After finishing his Big Bacon Classic Combo, area resident and Wendy's patron Don Turnbee, 38, expressed uncertainty Monday regarding what... more»
Guidance Counselor Prefaces SAT Results By Talking About Test's Flaws

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News In Brief

MAHWAH, NJ–In a preamble that boded poorly for the academic future of Mahwah High School senior Kevin Stember, guidance counselor Elvin Cross... more»
Eminem Releases Single About Hugging Elton John At Grammys Then Ripping His Dick Off With Pliers

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES–With the nation still buzzing over his Feb. 21 Grammy Awards duet with Elton John, Eminem released a single Tuesday inspired by the... more»
Greenspan Considering Role In Ocean's Eleven Remake

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC–Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan confirmed Monday that he is considering a role in the upcoming remake of the 1960 Rat Pack... more»
Television Executive's Baby Cancelled In Development Stage

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES–Deeming the fetus "not viable at this time," ABC vice-president of programming Lew Schaffer pulled the plug Monday on his unborn child... more»
Government Report On Illiteracy Copied Straight From Encyclopedia

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC–Scandal erupted Monday, when it was discovered that a recent Department of Education report on illiteracy was copied directly from... more»
Studio Audience Wants Show To Be Over

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | News In Photos
I Think We Should Fuck Other People

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | Commentary

Allison, this is very difficult to say, because I care so deeply about you. The moments we've shared together have been some of the happiest of my... more»
We Have All The Time In The World To Find A Cure For Diabetes

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | Commentary

Did you know that diabetes is the seventh leading cause of death in the U.S.? Seventh. That's really not that bad. Cancer, heart disease,... more»
Horoscope for the week of March 7, 2001

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | Horoscopes

The stars would have been amazed by your survival on that life raft for three weeks even if it weren't filled with hungry Alaskan brown bears. more»
Improving NASCAR Safety

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | Infographic

NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt's fatal crash at the Daytona 500 on Feb. 18 has prompted widespread calls for tougher safety measures. What steps is... more»
Top Inspirational Hymns

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | Statshot
Layoffs And The R-Word

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | What Do You Think?

Every day, another major company announces thousands of layoffs, stoking fears of an economic recession. What do you think? more»
Home-Buying Tips

issue 3708 | 03.07.01 | Tips

Buying a home is one of the biggest investments a person makes in life. Here are some tips to help you make the right decision. more»