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April 18, 2001 - April 24, 2001 | Issue 37•14

Song About Heroin Used To Advertise Bank

BOSTON–The soul-wrenching experience of recovery from heroin addiction was used to evoke the financial security of a major banking institution Monday, when Boston-based Metrobank launched a high-profile ad campaign featuring "Lust for Life" by seminal '70s proto-punk Iggy Pop. "We needed something that conveyed Metrobank's global financial presence, high-powered...

Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory On Virgil's Minor Works

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–President Bush delighted an intimate gathering of White House dinner guests Monday, regaling the coterie of dignitaries, artists,... more»
Stuffed-Animal Biodiversity Rising

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News

WASHINGTON, DC–According to a World Wildlife Fund study released Monday, stuffed-animal biodiversity is rapidly rising, with the number of species... more»
Ironic-Kitsch-Appreciation Subculture Excited About New Britney Spears Novel

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News In Brief

AUSTIN, TX–Across the nation, Gen-X ironic-kitsch aficionados are racing to bookstores to pick up the new Britney Spears novel A Mother's... more»
St. Jude Swears Off Ever Answering Another Personals Ad

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News In Brief

HEAVEN–Exasperated after a string of bad dates, Catholic martyr St. Jude vowed Monday never to respond to another personals ad. "Man, talk about... more»
Bus Passenger Suspects Man In Next Seat Might Be Having Conversation With Him

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News In Brief

SPOKANE, WA–An hour after pulling out of Spokane Monday, Greyhound passenger Ed Comello began suspecting that the man in the next seat was having a... more»
Sitcom Resorts To Wizard Of Oz-Themed Fantasy Episode

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News In Brief

BURBANK, CA–Desperate for plotlines as its fifth season winds down, NBC's Just Shoot Me resorted to the time-honored Wizard Of... more»
Bill Up And Dies In Tennessee Legislature

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News In Brief

NASHVILLE, TN–Democratic supporters of H.R. 3470, the Shelby County Millage Act, were right sorry Monday when the bill up and died in the Tennessee... more»
6,000-Year-Old Culture Now A 'Developing Nation'

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News In Photos

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Milosevic Confesses To Crimes Against Subhumanity

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | News In Photos
You Will Suffer Humiliation When The Sports Team From My Area Defeats The Sports Team From Your Area

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | Commentary

As you can see from the calendar, the game is coming up this weekend. I'm sure you are as excited for it as I am, as our cities are rivals and have... more»
Odds 'N' Ends

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | Columnists

Your old pal Jean has never claimed to be an expert on journalism, but there's one thing I do know: When you write a newspaper column, you have to... more»
Horoscope for the week of April 18, 2001

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | Horoscopes

The stars indicate that you will meet an attractive Aries the next time you look in the mirror. Sometimes, those stars are just a little too precious. more»
The Hoof and Mouth Panic

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | Infographic

Hoof and mouth disease is a major problem in Europe. What precautions are being taken to prevent the spread of the disease here? more»
Worst-Selling Specialty Magazines

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | Statshot
Executing The Mentally Disabled

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | What Do You Think?

The U.S. Supreme Court is currently hearing a case challenging the constitutionality of the death penalty for retarded individuals. What do... more»
Choosing A College

issue 3714 | 04.18.01 | Tips

The college years are a pivotal time in a person's life, not to mention a major financial investment. Here are some tips to help you choose the right... more»