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August 1, 2001 - August 7, 2001 | Issue 37•26

Out-Of-Work P.R. Exec Has Great Things To Say About Unemployment

IRVINE, CA–Calling his current jobless status "an exciting, much-needed opportunity to reassess my direction in life," former Porter Novelli public-relations executive Josh Wallace has great things...

Video-Game Character Wondering Why Heartless God Always Chooses 'Continue'

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News

ORANGEBURG, SC—Solid Snake does not know why God deems it necessary for him to endlessly repeat his mission. more»
Fast-Food Purchase Seething With Unspoken Class Conflict

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News

HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA—Resentment, anger, and pity were the emotions mutually felt by Burger King employee Duane Hesketh and customer Robert Lalley. more»
Bush Finds Error In Fermilab Calculations

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News

BATAVIA, IL—Bush, who describes himself as "something of an armchair physicist," said that anyone could have made that mistake. more»
Area Love Knows Only Court-Ordered Bounds

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News In Brief

COLUMBUS, OH–The passionate love felt by Columbus resident Jonathan Duffy for Ohio State University graduate student Danielle Graves can be stopped... more»
Non-Alcoholic Beer Inventor Unveils New Non-Adhesive Glue

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News In Brief

ST. LOUIS–Hot on the heels of his successful line of non-curative medicines, non-alcoholic-beer inventor Thomas O'Doul unveiled "Elmer's Slick," a... more»
Few Animals Harmed In Making Of Film

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News In Brief

HOLLYWOOD, CA–Producers of the upcoming Sony Pictures historical epic Genghis Khan assured animal-rights activists Monday that "practically... more»
3822 Voted America's Favorite PIN Number

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News In Brief

NEW YORK–Narrowly edging out 7135, 3822 is the nation's favorite personal-identification number, according to the August issue of Money.... more»
Just A Stay-In-Bed Kind Of Day, Fire Department Declares

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News In Brief

ALBANY, NY–Citing inclement weather and a general "blah" feeling among the firefighters, Albany fire chief Martin Brundle declared Monday "just a... more»
Gay Comptroller Tired Of Being Referred To As 'That Gay Comptroller'

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News In Photos
Steve Allen: Gone, Forgotten

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | News In Photos
I Could Write A Better Rubaiyat Than That Khayyam Dipshit

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | Commentary

Down at the loading dock, me and the guys get into a lot of good-natured scraps about sports teams and movies and whatnot. Sure, it gets a little... more»
With Friends Like These...

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | Columnists

Until recently, I never really believed much in the generation gap. I figured, if you're young at heart (and I like to think that my heart is 19... more»
Horoscope for the week of August 1, 2001

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | Horoscopes

Your children will grow up in a world very different from the one you live in, thanks to a lucrative deal you will soon make with the Rigellians. more»
Honoring The King of Pop

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | Infographic

On Sept. 7, ‘N Sync, Britney Spears, Destiny’s Child, and other superstars will gather at Madison Square Garden for a concert paying tribute to... more»
Top-Selling Fragrances

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | Statshot
The Missile-Defense Standoff

issue 3726 | 08.01.01 | What Do You Think?

The U.S. and Russia are clashing over the Bush Administration's plans to develop a missile-defense system, which would defy 1972's ABM Treaty. What... more»