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August 8, 2001 - August 14, 2001 | Issue 37•27

Area Man Has No Idea Why He Wrote 'Gazebo Convo-Resolve/Tues (!?)' In Planner Six Weeks Ago

NEW LONDON, CT–Gil Woller, a marketing manager at Hartley Automated Systems, expressed bafflement Monday upon discovering the message "Gazebo Convo–resolve/Tues (!?)" in the June 22 space in his daily planner. "I was flipping through my planner for a phone number I wrote down a while back, and this mysterious gazebo-convo-Tuesday message turned up," the 42-year-old...

Arby's Apologizes For New Beef 'N' Bacon Sandwich

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL—Arby's executives called the new menu addition "pretty so-so" and "more of the same." more»
Garage Band Actually Believes There Is A 'Terre Haute Sound'

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News

TERRE HAUTE, IN–The members of The Weebles, a local garage band formed in 1998, actually believe there is something called the "Terre Haute Sound,"... more»
S&M Couple Won't Stop Droning On About Their Fetishes

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News

SANTA FE, NM–According to friends of Jason Roder and Gina Von Poppel, the sexually adventurous couple won't stop droning on about spanking, caning,... more»
That Guy From That One Show Spotted With The Girl From The Shampoo Ad

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES–According to Hollywood insiders, that guy who plays the doctor with the beard on that one show was spotted at this L.A. restaurant with... more»
Elementary Schooler Clearly Just Learned To Swear

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News In Brief

ALEXANDRIA, LA–Lakeview Elementary School first-grader Ian Schweder has clearly just taken his first steps into the world of swearing, classroom... more»
Richard Grieco's Star Power Inadvertently Donated To Goodwill

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES–Former 21 Jump Street and Booker star Richard Grieco accidentally gave his star power to charity Monday, when a truck... more»
Senate Votes To Add Gratuity To All Bills Of Eight Provisions Or More

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC–By a 74-20 margin, the U.S. Senate approved a resolution Monday guaranteeing lawmakers a 15 percent gratuity for all bills... more»
Slain Cop Had Only 37 Years Until Retirement

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News In Brief

DETROIT–In a tragic twist of fate, Detroit police officer Stephen Brophy was cut down in the line of duty Monday, just 37 years before he was to... more»
Popeye Decries Mideast Bombings; 'Dese Bombinks Is Disgustipating,' Says Sailor Man

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News In Photos
Dress Code Cracked

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | News In Photos
My Anti-Drug Is Alcohol

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | Commentary

If you're a kid growing up these days, sooner or later, someone's going to offer you drugs. "Go ahead, try some of these," they'll say. "They'll make... more»
CNN Should Be Named The Crappy News Not-Work

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | Commentary

Cable News Network? Yeah, right. Nice try, Ted Turd-Burglar. Your channel should be called the Crappy News Not-work. Because that's... more»
Horoscope for the week of August 8, 2001

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | Horoscopes

You will be forced to admit that being up to your neck in pussy is not as sexy as it sounded. more»
Clinton's First Week In Harlem

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | Infographic

Last Tuesday, Bill Clinton officially moved into his new office in Harlem. How did the former president spend his first week in the neighborhood? more»
Lamest U.S. Excuses

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | Statshot
TV Sports' Ratings Slide

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | What Do You Think?

Televised sports is in the midst of a decade-long ratings slump. What do you think of the steadily dwindling viewership? more»
Making A Midlife Career Change

issue 3727 | 08.08.01 | Tips

It's never too late to make a career change. Here are some tips to help you get where you want to go: more»