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October 10, 2001 - October 16, 2001 | Issue 37•36

Formerly Evil Wrestler Realizes Error Of His Ways

PONTIAC, MI—Manzilla, the American Wrestling Federation villain reviled for inflicting countless blindside folding-chair blows and barbed-wire-bat bludgeonings upon helpless opponents, rocked the world of sports...

Freedoms Curtailed In Defense Of Liberty

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to the threats facing America's free democratic system, White House officials called upon Americans to stop exercising... more»
Husband, Wife Have Conflicting Ideas About What Constitutes Healthy Sex Life

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News

KNOXVILLE, TN—Craig and Lisa Livorno, Knoxville residents who have been married for nine years, possess different ideas about what constitutes a... more»
Everybody Browsing At Video Store Saying Stupid Things

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News

CHICAGO—Every single person in the Video Station Monday was overheard saying annoying and amusing stupid things. more»
Area Grasshopper Kind Of A Thorax Man Himself

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News In Brief

LARGE FIELD EAST OF WATER—Watching a shapely female grasshopper pass by, area grasshopper 44-3541-M told a fellow male Monday that he is "a... more»
Diary Lied To

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News In Brief

GRAND JUNCTION, CO—Marnie Powell, a seventh-grader at Grand Junction Middle School, lied to her diary Monday, filling the journal with several... more»
Screaming Japanese Schoolgirls Overturn Greenspan's Bus

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News In Brief

TOKYO—Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan described himself as "shaken but all right" Monday following an incident in which several thousand... more»
Move To Houseboat Regretted By Third Day

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News In Brief

TARPON SPRINGS, FL—Semi-retired attorney George Schulman, 62, is already expressing remorse over his move into a Suncruiser 360 houseboat last... more»
Dildo Manufacturers Association: Nation Must Return To Normalcy, Purchase Dildos

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News In Brief

CINCINNATI—With sales flagging since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, the Dildo Manufacturers Association made an appeal to Americans' sense of... more»
Vin Diesel Breaks Off Tracking Collar Against Rocky Outcropping

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News In Photos

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Former High-School Bully Pulls You Over For Speeding

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | News In Photos
I Wish I Were Hungry

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | Commentary

Oh, man, you know what would be great right now? A big bowl of chili, swimming in tabasco, with diced onions, grated cheddar, and Saltines. Damn. I... more»
Returning To Abnormal

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | Columnists

When I began writing this column seven years ago, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I'd have to address anything like the events of Sept.... more»
Horoscope for the week of October 10, 2001

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | Horoscopes

Your inability to get a cab has nothing to do with your neighborhood or skin color. It's because you live in Basco, WI, population 132. more»
The New Star Trek Series

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | Infographic

Last week, Enterprise made its debut on UPN. What can viewers expect from the latest Star Trek installment? more»
Corporations Facing Bankruptcy

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | Statshot
Chemical And Biological Weapons

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | What Do You Think?

Many Americans fear that terrorists may one day strike the U.S. with chemical and biological weapons. What do you think about the prospect? more»
Job-Hunting Tips

issue 3736 | 10.10.01 | Tips

Today's job market is more competitive than ever. Here are some tips to help give you the edge: more»