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October 17, 2001 - October 23, 2001 | Issue 37•37

Marital Frustrations Channeled Through Thermostat

DULUTH, MN—Continuing a decades-long pattern of displacement, Carl and Barb Kulick channeled their marital frustrations through their home's Honeywell T87 manual-control...

Fourth-Graders' Button-Making-Machine Privileges Suspended Indefinitely

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News

THOUSAND OAKS, CA—The button-making privileges of Mrs. Orlowski's fourth-grade class were suspended indefinitely Monday, when an estimated 15... more»
Bob Hope Not Told About War

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News

TOLUCA LAKE, CA—Bob Hope's doctors and support staff have elected not to tell the 98-year-old show-business legend about the current military... more»
Walking Sports Database Scorns Walking Sci-Fi Database

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News

PASSAIC, NJ—Scott Moreland, a walking database of sports facts and figures, scorned Tim Dansby, a walking database of science-fiction anecdotes and... more»
Manager Hates To See You Go

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News In Brief

DURHAM, NC—Twist 'N' Shout manager Dale Fontana expressed deep regret Monday over your decision to leave the mall pretzelry. "Well, you've been a... more»
Amsterdam Tourist Can't Find 'Kind Bud' In Phrasebook

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News In Brief

AMSTERDAM—While on vacation in Amsterdam Monday, Atlanta resident Brad Haines, 22, struggled to find the Dutch translation for "kind bud" in his... more»
Monkfish Wishes Monkfish Weren't All The Rage

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News In Brief

BOOTHBAY HARBOR, ME—A local monkfish bemoaned the culinary trendiness of his species Monday. "It's nice to be the fish of the moment," said the... more»
NBC To Add Dateline: Flursday

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Seeking to capitalize on the success of its nightly newsmagazine, NBC announced Monday the addition of Dateline: Flursday to its... more»
Woman With Sore Throat Thinks It Might Be Anthrax

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Alicia Dubrow, 23, an assistant copy editor at Shape magazine, expressed fear Monday that her recent sore throat is the result of... more»
Dad Immediately Hands Phone To Mom

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News In Brief

SAGINAW, MI—Emotionally distant father Bill Wolk, 55, immediately handed the phone to his wife Monday upon identifying the caller as his daughter.... more»
New 'Toastables' Offers Microwavable Pre-Toasted Bread

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News In Photos
Rush Limbaugh's Love Affair With Sound Of Own Voice Comes To Sad End

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | News In Photos
Your Honking Has Shown Me The Error Of My Ways

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | Commentary

I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, believe you me. But when I do, I try to be man enough to admit it. So, I confess: I really screwed up just... more»
I'm Refreshingly Naïve!

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | Commentary

These days, nobody's shocked by anything. What would have caused the most hard-bitten vice-squad dick to blush 50 years ago has become casual... more»
Horoscope for the week of October 17, 2001

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | Horoscopes

No force in Creation can stop you from enjoying a delicious fried-egg sandwich on your lunch break. more»
Post-Sept. 11 Changes

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | Infographic

In the wake of last month's terrorist attacks, a number of books, films, and other products have been altered or shelved. Among the changes: more»
Whom Are We Imagining Naked?

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | Statshot
Anthrax Hits The U.S.

issue 3737 | 10.17.01 | What Do You Think?

Cases of anthrax exposure have been confirmed in media and government offices in Florida, New York, and Washington, D.C. What do you think... more»