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November 14, 2001 - November 20, 2001 | Issue 37•41

Man Pretends To Hit On Woman He'd Like To Hit On For Real

BATON ROUGE, LA—Employing a silly voice and jocular manner to suggest a lack of serious intentions, Dennis Vukelich, 29, pretended to hit on a woman he'd like to hit on for real Monday. "Ah, at last we're alone," Vukelich, a due-diligence manager at C&H Accounting, jokingly told coworker Aimee Broussard in the office copier room. "I've waited for this moment all...

Spaghetti-Os Discontinued As Franco-American Relations Break Down

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News

PARIS—Disagreements on key issues such as sodium levels and pasta-ring size have cast the future of canned pasta in serious doubt. more»
6,000 Runners Fail To Discover Cure For Breast Cancer

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News

ATLANTA—Despite their diligent, dedicated running, the 6,000-plus participants in Sunday's 5K Race For The Cure did not find a cure for breast... more»
Luann Creator Wrestling With How To Address Terrorist Crisis

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News

SAN MARCOS, CA—Greg Evans, creator of the popular Luann comic strip, continues to struggle to find the right way to address the events of... more»
Steve Vai Impresses The Hell Out Of Neighborhood Kids

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News In Brief

GLENDALE, CA— Rock guitarist Steve Vai wowed a group of neighborhood children with his spectacular guitar pyrotechnics Monday. "His behind-the-head... more»
Plan To Make Snacks Last Through Opening Credits Fails

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News In Brief

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN— Despite his best intentions, moviegoer Brad Schuyler failed to make his snack supply last beyond the opening credits of... more»
Argument About Capital Of Australia Occurs 10 Feet From Encyclopedia

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News In Brief

ORD, NE— Brothers Jeff and Adam Clink spent 20 minutes fiercely debating the capital of Australia while standing 10 feet from the family's World... more»
Ugly Man With Huge Penis Unsure How To Get The Word Out

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News In Brief

AUBURN, ME— Overweight and balding Ira Groff, 37, is unsure how to get the word out about his 11-inch penis. "In theory, I could fumble around in... more»
U.S. To Arab World: 'Stop Hating Us Or Suffer The Consequences'

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC— In a strongly worded ultimatum Tuesday, President Bush warned the Arab world to "stop hating the United States or suffer the... more»
Congress To Meet At Feingold's House Today

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News In Photos
Hot-Dog Craving Ends After First Bite

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | News In Photos
I Do So Adore The Adult Theatre

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | Commentary

Ah, the adult theatre! As a discriminating patron of the adult arts, nothing compares to a night out enjoying the lights, glamour, and pelvic... more»
Ask A High-School Student Who Didn't Do The Required Reading

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | Advice

Randy Friel is a high-school student whose syndicated advice column, Ask A High-School Student Who Didn't Do The Required Reading, appears in... more»
Horoscope for the week of November 14, 2001

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | Horoscopes

Your so-called "perfect crime" will be utterly transparent to anyone who's read pages 823-828 of O'Hara's Fundamentals Of Criminal... more»
The Post-Office Crunch

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | Infographic

Reeling from a post-Sept 11. drop in mail volume, the U.S Postal Service faces a $3 billion deficit. What is the USPS doing to imporove its bottom... more»
What Are We Feeling That Would Be Better Expressed In German?

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | Statshot
Could Osama Get The Bomb?

issue 3741 | 11.14.01 | What Do You Think?

Last week, President Bush disclosed that Osama bin Laden has been trying to acquire nuclear weapons. What do you think of the possibility? more»